Believe. Laugh. Love.

35 Days Down Under

2012-02-10T22:40:00.001+08:00

I can still smell the freshness in the crisp air. The atmosphere was so relaxing with the breeze sliding through the strains of my air. Sky was clear with occasional puffs of cotton that you humans call clouds and sights of hawks and other winged creatures "strolling" through what can be called their roads. They were so.... free. Not bound to anything (except being hit by a plane), minding their own business, weaving their way through their vast playground. There was still a lot of chill in the air, despite the soaring sun. It felt so good just facing the sun, closing your eyes and just feel the temporary warmth until you turn away and the cold air pierces back into your skin. The grasses had trickles of water/melted ice that gets in between your toes as your straddle your walk through. It was just the place. The whole environment. So calming yet breath-taking.

Being in a land of strangers helped me explore myself. Everything seemed new, it wasn't only the strangers I walked pass on the streets or the florist who gave me a carnation for smiling at him. It was also me. The person I was when I was with all these people. I liked that person I was. Not having to talk all the unnecessary talk, live up and dress up to society's expectations, being able to stop and just take a deep breath in the midst of people without being looked at like a lunatic, smiling at random people without giving the impression that you are somewhat interested. The culture was different, maybe too different that you can't adapt to everything, but different enough to bring out the best in you. People were organized, there was a flow in everything.

You could just lay down on the grass and read a book, or stare at the sky while listening to music. I felt free-er. Like I was able to achieve almost anything there. Mostly because there wasn't a preconception of what you are expected to do and the person you were expected to be. I was able to be anyone and do anything, speak any way I wanted and JUST BE. Of course such freedom can be disastrous but if you know what you want and how to use it well, you won't misuse it.

Life was so good that 5 weeks. And I am lucky to be able to get a gist of it, because I know what I want and where I should head with my life.

Tonight

2012-02-09T03:56:00.002+08:00

It's 2.06am now. Listening to Norah Jones's Turn Me On, I remembered the phrase I heard earlier.

"I haven't found the girl to sing this song to," he said referring to one of the songs we were listening to. Honestly, I could not remember which track on the CD it was. Earlier on, with the clock almost hitting 1am, brain activities were deteriorating and the only thing kept me awake as I listened to Micheal Buble's Lost, was the hint of loneliness, creeping out from some dark corner of my chest. It made me think, could I be the only one who's feeling like this despite the awesome company I have and all the laughs we shared throughout the evening?

Somehow managed to brush that pinch of emotion away with the occasional rows of laughter we shared. In the song, Bublé sang "You are not alone, I am always there with you and we'll get lost together". It takes a very courageous man to assure a girl that she's not alone and then stay with her and prove his words right; that she is indeed not alone.

We were almost reaching home and then he says that. "I haven't found the girl to sing this song to". I smiled to myself. I am not the only one feeling lonely. It's not difficult to grasp what he really means behind that sentence. And without a doubt, if most of us are brave enough to admit, there will be many people getting vocal about their loneliness. It's not wrong to feel that way.

You may have many friends, an awesome family and a good life over all, but the absence of that one special person, somehow, someday, under any circumstances will get to you. And when it does, you can't help but to sit and wonder. You may be able to offer unconditional love once committed, but it just doesn't happen. Like this guy, I've known him enough to know that he's decent, smart, funny, responsible person. Isn't that all that's necessary? I mean, why want more? In fact, it's not only him. So many friends of mine who really are worth every effort, often go unnoticed.

"I have given up looking lah. I have decided I am going to wait now." All I could say was, "You'll be surprised." Somewhere in my head, I knew that what I said was in a way a message I am conveying to myself too. Truth is, when you let go of all expectations, rules and conditions, you can indeed be surprised of what can be offered to you. With all this internal monologues going on in my head, I caught myself smiling so much, rationalizing my own thoughts and concluding that it is possible to feel lonely in the most crowded room. Funny thing is, you aren't the only one.

I'd like to think of the whole relationship concept like a maze. You are too busy looking for a way out hoping Prince Charming awaits you with a stallion that you miss out on the people in the maze there with you trying to find their respective ways. Most of the time, you look out so far, across the ocean, forgetting that they can be right there beside you. No man/woman can make a better half than the ones you talk to, laugh and be silly with. No one's going to just pop out of nowhere and make it work. That's just the regular movie bits.

So ladies, if you haven't found a person who would get lost with you or guys, if you haven't found that special girl to sing your favorite song to, just open your eyes, remove any sort of mental filters and look around. As I said, you might just be surprised. Tonight taught me that chances are very close by. :)

It's 3.23am now. As Rob Thomas's Lonely No More softly rendered, I smiled. We'll all find love. It's just a matter of time, my heart whispered. Oh, how cliche. But then I smiled again because I knew it is the truth.

Under The Singapore Sky

2012-02-01T23:11:00.001+08:00

Lying under the stars and just watch the sky, feeling the breeze while pondering whether there are lives beyond what we see. I have always wanted to do that. And now, finally after 21 years, here I am finally living that particular dream. There weren't anyone distracting me or trying to make a conversation. It was just me and the way I liked it. Oh there were people accompanying me but they weren't talking. They were singing. John Mayer and James Morrison.

The two men who were faithfully with me throughout everything. The chair was comfortable. I made it even more comfortable by adding on pillow to support my back and wrapping myself up with an under sized blanket trying to cover up all the necessary parts so that mosquitoes won't see me as a food source. Everyone were asleep and the roofless veranda was the perfect spot. Wind was chilly, maybe because we were very close to the beach.

It was a very tiring day but lying there under the stars that night somehow just absorbed all the aches and soar and replaced it with a relaxed mind and a very empty body. Watching the stars shimmer and the clouds shifting by made me feel like I was floating. Like I don't have a body, weightless and free. Damn I miss the feeling. Clouds roll by one by one. It felt like the sky was playing a game with me. As a guess the shape of one cloud, it slowly disintegrates and floats away.

Then another new cloud rolls in making me think. And the cycle continued. There was the shape of a heart, and immediately I smiled widely. 2 seconds before I saw that heart shaped cloud, I was telling myself how nice it would be if you were here, right at this moment sitting next to me. I missed you. And then came the heart shaped cloud. You never fail to make your presence noted. Another interesting cloud was the one shaped of a man's head with his mouth open. And the cloud drifted towards all the stars while "eating" them. The image of the mouth opened and the stars being eaten by that cloud guy was very amusing.

The night got thicker and mist started rolling in with the clouds. It got even chiller with all the lights going off one at a time. Shops closing, people going to bed. The sky remained lightened with occasional glimmers. There was a spot light rolling in and out from somewhere far away, not sure why. Wonder if there were any fun fairs going on at this hour of the night. The wind got a little dense and heavy looking clouds replaced the light, friendly looking ones. It's probably going to rain, my smart brains told me. What my smart brains didn't tell me is that the dense wind was going to blow the rain clouds away elsewhere.

I caught myself falling asleep many times. My brains would scream and wake me up, pestering me to continue cloud watch. And I did. Just lay there looking at the sky all night long.

The veranda. Was at the third chair from the table. The place is waaay better at night. :)

Aiyah, Later Lah..!

2011-12-21T23:32:00.000+08:00

Recently I have caught myself procrastinating so much. Even to write this post. I was munching on a few murukus and wandering in the house clueless, trying to find a reason for my existence. OK, now that was exaggerated. Then I felt like writing and that dark part of my brain (come on, man up and admit it. you have a dark side in your head too) just refused to let me write. The idea for the sequel writing was already present but it made me feel as though writing it NOW wasn't important. That spells out only one word. DANGER. Maybe it is just the laziness and laid back feeling I often get when I come back home but it is still procrastination at work.

Then it hit me. I have been doing the same with people too. There are few very important friends on the list that I would want to pay a visit to in this near future but the thought that they would be somehow meeting me up next year seemed to slow me down and put them at the lower part of my priority list. But what if there isn't any next year? No, I am not going anywhere near the topic of "the end of the world" or any of such crap but WHAT IF I am not here next year? WHAT IF they are not here next year? Possibilities are possibilities now aren't they? Why say "later lah" when you can do it sooner? Taking things for granted perhaps? I know I am questioning myself but that's how you learn right?

Or maybe I am just losing it, AGAIN.

WITH

WITHOUT

Either way he's just bloody gorgeous. Ehem, sorry. Got sidetracked. Getting back to my writing now ..... Oh look! Gerard Butler!

Oh, Don't We Love Them? :P

2011-12-18T22:30:00.001+08:00

INTERESTING TRUTHS ABOUT GUYS

1. If this guy you are crushing so hard on randomly comes up to you and asks you about the friend that you brought with you to *insert venue*, sorry dear. He is NOT talking to you because he wants to or he is interested in you. Your friend is the one he is interested in. Not you.

2. If they do not look into your eyes while talking to you either he is shy, or he is starting to have a crush on you after realizing butterflies in his stomach when he looks into your eyes or HE IS SIMPLY JUST NOT INTO YOU!

3. If you meet a hot guy by the beach and you just need to get his attention, forget about singing songs or dancing away like in the movies. Run back to the hotel and change into your bikini! Most guys these days go for the looks more than the heart. Forget about love is blind. It is no more Romeo & Juliet.

4. If a guy claims that looks does not matter to him and only the character does, do not fall for it! The same concept that guys share, ‘When a woman says size doesn’t matter, she is lying.’ (Refer no. 3)

5. Not all guys from big towns are spoilt brats and not all guys from small towns are angels.

6. You cannot change a man. Even if you succeed, remember that he might not be happy about it and why love him in the first place if he is not your type? (When you think he requires changes, automatically you should know that he is not your type.)

7. It doesn’t matter whether he calls you pretty, cute, hot or beautiful, it only depends on WHERE he is LOOKING when he compliments. Sometimes it may be genuine. Most of the time it’s just his lame pick up lines.

8. It is never possible for a guy to fall in love with you just after few days of talking through phone and without face to face meeting. REMEMBER! Relationships that develops quick, crumbles quick too.

9. Guys have two different personalities. Maybe even three. One when he is with his friends, another when he is with his family, and one when he is with you. If you are going to love him, you would have to know and love all the three sides of him. If not it would be difficult to accept him in the long run.

10. Guys do have emotions. They hurt like we do it’s just that they don’t show it off by blowing their nose of to their mates or by putting up way too emotional statuses on Facebook.

11. Don’t hope for a guy to pick up your hints. Example: If you buy him a bouquet of roses, it doesn’t send the message to his brains that you want him to buy you flowers too. A guy doesn’t JUST KNOW. They are kind off blur. Be straight forward to him!

12. Referring to number 11, when you get for him presents, ditch the cards, chocolates or flowers off your list. Get him something that he can use! A briefcase (if he is a workaholic), an Xbox (if he is a gamer), a plumbing set or a drill set from the hardware store (if he is the manly man who loves to work around the house with that body hugging sleeveless and khaki shorts).

Road-trip With A Stranger I Know

2011-11-20T00:50:00.000+08:00

One line will be enough to sum this whole post up. "If my life can be filmed into a movie right, it'll be damn cun." True enough lah.

It was a rather small decision I made that lead me up to this point, today, in my house, back in Taiping with all this thinking going on in my head. Nevertheless, it's just one of the incidents that never leaves even the tinniest space for regret. I am smiling about it, and it'll definitely be archived into my ancient book of Grabbing Chances With No Regrets.

So here we go, with the most recent happening.

This friend of a friend whom I met through a senior at uni far away from home happened to be a guy from my hometown. And my mother's ex-student. Small world. VERY small world. I didn't recognize him though, neither did he. The only thing we had in common was my mother and the place we come from and our mutual friends. He was going home for the weekend and his home eventually is my home (we just live few streets apart). I had an option of whether or not to follow him back. Part of me wasn't sure because I hardly know him. Not that I was afraid he'd kidnap me to a place unknown but because of the awkwardness that might arise since we only met once and got no idea about each other. Being stuck in a car for 3hours or more is not a good idea of getting to know someone. Especially for me, The Greatest Sucker On Earth With Guys.

Funny thing is I actually said yes. I agreed to follow him back to our hometown. It might seem not much of a biggie for others but for me, knowing me, to do something like that was absolutely mind blowing. I could not believe myself. But the best part was, I said yes. I didn't run away, I didn't make up lame excuses like I always do when a chance arises or just pretend the chance wasn't there. I said yes. And so, we left my uni accommodation, heading to his aunt's place to service his car before hitting the road. It was totally out of my comfort zone the first hour. But he handled it well. (Probably he wasn't as paranoid as I was) Eventually conversations picked up and I liked it. All the way we spoke, neither of us wanting to leave space for an awkward silence, just pick a topic and talk. I should thank all the public speaking and Toastmasters training I've attended for helping me build the confidence.

No guy can beat a home guy. I mean a guy from the same place as you. Similarities, same way of talking, thinking and perceiving the outside world, it was really nice to have a conversation with a guy whom I hardly know but starting to sharing lots of things in common with. The awkwardness faded away, cincai-lah. We reached his auntie's house and they were so nice! They made me feel at home with all the hospitality and smiles and talks and a little girl there whom I was busy teaching to pronounce the word "stethoscope". She often went like "tetoscope" or "thotescope". Haha. He went off to the garage to fix his car and I was at home with the family. Very pleasant people. Seriously. If I were to explain and cerita everything here, the blog post will go and on and on. This will be a very summarized version of everything that happened.

He came back and we went together to the garage with his uncle to check on the car. Halfway while waiting for the car to be ready, his uncle left to go pick his wife up from work. So it was just me and him in a garage, watching the car being fixed. They jacked the car up and he was leaning his chest against the driver's seat door and me right opposite him on the other door. We were talking and talking, at times being disturbed by the loud sounds of the machine. The rain drops made their presence very clear on the zinc roof top. He was tired, I was tired but the smiles on our faces were stuck. One moment it hit me. This is how reality presents a fairy-tale that makes sense. I mean here we are, 2 almost strangers, in a garage, kinda stranded, all tired, waiting to go home but still somehow don't want all that to end. It definitely wasn't anything I expected to do when I agreed to car pool with him. NOTE: I am NOT complaining.

We were both starving, got back to his uncle's place after the car was done, walked to a burger stall to get ourselves decent food. The rain, the hills, the dam and basically the whole environment made everything just perfect. We stood there among the hills under the rain waiting for our burgers and every single time the thought of how bloody perfect the moment is hits me, I keep thinking of words to explain it so that you readers can actually understand how it was. But now, sitting in my room, back in my hometown, trying to explain exactly how it felt, seems nearly impossible. It was just perfect.

When it was actually time for us to leave, the little girl decided to hide his handphone so that we won't leave. HAHA! We spent almost half and hour trying to find his phone and that clever little brat hid it among her soft toys. I was smiling all the way through searching for his phone. It was just one of that places and incidents life puts you in without any reasonable reasons. When we FINALLY hit the road, it was just me, him and the car again. :) The airconds were not functioning so we had the windows down and musics on. No idea why we had the music on because almost all the time we were talking and the rest of the time it was just the rush of wind through the open windows. It was like this perfect scene picked out of a Maroon 5 video.

There was this exclusive 10seconds that I can clearly remember that happened but can't remember what happened. Haha, silly I know. Just bear with me. We were both comfortable leaning back. We were talking and he said something (I can't remember now), he turned at me and I turned to him too. It was just that few seconds of eye contact. It meant nothing but I perfectly loved it. He turned back to the wheel and me back to looking at the road. Took us a while to start talking again, one of that awkward moment attacks I guess. Haha.

When we finally reached home, I insisted that met my mother, since the last time they met was easily more than 10years back. They did meet, spoke and laughed. My parents were lovely as usual. We had lunch together at home with my parents and talked and laughed again. It's just moments when you really wish there's a pause and rewind button. So bloody seldom that you bump into someone who can make you feel this way. Nah, not a crush, nor affection or infatuation, or whatever name you might have for it. It's just one of that adventurous days where you don't know what's coming up but you are so ready to take it on because of the person you have beside you. In my case, the person was a stranger and that just made everything more thrilling. The adrenalin, unbeatable.

Though I know this is a story that will end before it even starts, just like the others, I will never regret saying yes to the car pool.

Grab chances. SERIOUSLY. Grab it when you see it.

A Month Of Absence

2011-11-16T14:14:00.000+08:00

The furthest I have been without blogging. ONE WHOLE MONTH. Damn. Don't ask me what I was doing for the pass one month, because I don't know what I have been doing. That's right, I don't know what I have been doing. I remember waking up every morning, brushing my teeth, getting dressed and going off to a place called university to do something that my classmates call studying and my sponsors call a way not to get your ass kicked out of the scholarship funding. Besides studying I have also been wailing a lot to my mother, because I could not understand what the hell I am supposed to study and what that's being thought in class. One very good looking lecturer is keeping me going though.

No campus crushes (kinda). Yea yea, I know there was one before but eventually just like all the rest of them on my list, he turned out to be a douche bag. It's not his fault. He's just being who he is lah. I expected too much. And I also forgot that I should not judge a book by it's cover. Plus it was more of a spur of the moment thing. Literally. Haha, so silly thinking about it now. All my wrong moves and actions just convinced me even more (if not enough) that I am a loser in these guys issues. The loserness and dumbness and lameness makes me wanna laugh out loud. Imagine the laugh my housemates have looking at me.

Okay enough with the whole month of nothingness. Lets move on to this latest news. I GRADUATED! No, not degree you silly. Diploma. Hehe. Very tiny compared to the degree I am doing now. I feel like I am fresh of nursery after enrolling here but WTH, this diploma thingy made me feel a lot better. I remember when I was in diploma and I had no clue of what I was doing and somehow I survived the crocodiles and swam out of the river. Unfortunately, now I am floating in a vast sea with shark infested waters. Few good looking sharks so I don't mind. Hehe.

Here is one photo! There are many but there again, I don't publish family photos over here. So, if you know me, check facebook!

Enjoy!

Life? Naah, Let's Take It For Granted

2011-10-19T00:06:00.000+08:00

Often we forget how much we are actually lucky to inhale and exhale until this very day. If you are reading this now that means you are perfectly alright, your eye sight is well, you are breathing, you are ALIVE! Go to the kitchen, grab a bar of chocolates and have them all to celebrate the fact that you are alive. It is truly and amazing thing that we just over look. Or take for granted in this matter.

I turned 20 this year, graduated with a diploma, awarded the best student, got a scholarship, got into the university of my choice, doing a course that I like (well, sort of). But I know 70-80 years later when I die, these are the details that people are not going to remember. And the world is not going to stop and mourn for me, as harsh as reality can get, people are going to pick themselves up and just move on. They are not going to remember me as the best student of ABC College, neither are they going to remember me as the hot girl in university (just an example).

Imagine standing in a world that's self-demolishing, everything's crumbling like pieces of puzzles in front of your eyes, what is that that'll make you feel like you have already lived your life and that you are ready to leave? Is it going to be the amount of money that you have made (which eventually will not be enough since we humans would like more of more) or would it be the satisfaction that you have been a good (if not perfect) child, husband/wife, citizen of the community? I don't know why I keep writing about death, it seems to be that in the end this is where we are all heading. Not to sound morbid or what, it's just reality. All the backstabbing, cheating, robbing gives you nothing except for temporary pleasure but in the end, we are all walking down different paths to the similar direction.

Just because the average life expectancy rate is high, don't take life for granted. In one of the books that I read, the writer asked "If you had only one hour to live, who would you call, what would you say and why are you waiting?" He wrote that book a few months before he passed away. Reading the words of the man, it was like he knew his time was almost up. I know that it has been preached almost everywhere, but truly, LIVE FOR THE MOMENT. Don't just read it and agree and then forget about it. People just die. They don't tell you and God doesn't tell you before hand. There is seriously no point in wishing things were different in the end. You want to make a difference, start now. Call someone you love and let them know you love them.

People who die are gone, it's the alive ones who are left with every tiny detail in memory and a whole list of things that they would have wished to change.

It's been 10 months and counting. Nothing's changed. In fact I doubt it will. Time just consumes, the memory becomes stronger due to all the rewind and replay.

You won't know what you have until you lost it is not true. Most of us know what we have, we just most of the time don't know that we'll lose it. And that's called taking things for granted. If you have been or are planning to do it, DON'T. There is something even more painful than death. And it's called regret.

It eats your soul alive.

Where Do You Keep Your Bread?

2011-09-27T13:28:00.000+08:00

I keep them in the freezer. So that it'll be fresher than ever when it's toasted and eaten with Nutella.

I have friends who keep them in the fridge and I also have friends whose eyes widen and jaws drop when they hear that me and my other friends keep the bread in the fridge. They are clearly the type who keep their breads on the kitchen deck. You know the normal non-freaky kind of people. And if you are thinking that the ones who keep our bread in the fridge and freezer are the abnormal, non-freaky ones, think again.

See, here's the story. We were all in the dining, having dinner and discussing about where we keep our breads (got no clue how we started talking about breads) and there was a housemate of ours who did not join for dinner. While the famous topic of bread was going on, she came down to say a short hi. When we invited her to have dinner, she went "It's okay. I have bread in my room." She had no idea of what we were initially discussing and as she left for her room (apparently where her bread was kept), there was a silent voice from the dinning table that rose and asked, "Everybody in the house has all the different places to keep their bread."

We all burst out laughing.

And again, I have no idea why I wrote this, but as suggested by one of the housemates, Where Do You Keep Your Bread is indeed a catchy title. If you are wondering what bread we were talking about, don't wonder.

Yeah, it's the everyday bread we were talking about. No some sick twisted double meaning-ed bread.

So, now you tell me. Where do YOU keep your bread?

The Star Education Fund 2011

2011-09-13T16:15:00.003+08:00

I finally got the urge to get to Appa's camera, find the USB and download the photos. I can't edit much, it's a small photo, so I did not want to ruin what's left of it. Maybe when I work, I must buy for Appa a dslr. I take photos of everyone, no one to take photos of me. :( Sedih kan? Haih. (Okay, now I am just being pathetic). Hehe. Here are the few photos Appa snapped. Now there's a game for you. Spot me.

Good luck!

They had good performances, the guys sang so well that they gave me goose bumps. They performed "You Raise Me Up". First class. The last person who gave me goose bumps was Jaclyn Victor, when she sang Gemilang for the Malaysian Idol finals. I think I have photos of them too, tapi tak clear la. Cacat sikit. hehe.

The middle one looks like teddy bear doesn't he? Hehehe. Did not have the chance to get to know their names, but they were good. They were KTAR students.

It felt good, sitting in the same ballroom again. The last time I was there was for my diploma awards back in 2008. It was like I've achieved something finally again, after everything I've lost. This is one thing I earned for all those whom I love. Another 3 years of striving and HOPEFULLY, with God's grace, in one year, I am leaving again. I'm not here to stay. Hehe. Maybe temporarily yeah, but not permanently. Give everything that I've got to achieve that one more thing. After all, what else do I have to concentrate on? I will be somewhere in the oil palm plantations, in campus deserted from civilization (I am just exaggerating).

This one month away did me a lot of good. Reshuffled priorities. And standing on that stage yesterday made me feel good. Very good in fact. Knowledge is one thing that'll follow it's owner everywhere. Plus, I've told myself that I'd want to pave my own path and not follow the path paved by others. That's a little more difficult to get to than the normal route, thus it'll definitely take more effort. I'm ready to give it all. After all, there are two things that smitten's people. Beauty and brains. Beauty, I am still working on it. Hehe. Brains, gotta develop more. Then probably I can get married to Vin Diesel. Working my way towards that. Oh yea baby!

Rusa Balik Kampung

2011-09-13T01:35:00.002+08:00

Here I am, back in tanah air, wanting to close my eyes and magically be send back there. This rusa is back in the kampong, people!

All the mamas came to visit, and I distributed souvenirs. Back in the bising bising environment and I realize that I did miss it. But the environment I was in for the pass one month, I am missing that too. The little girl who always comes up to me and gives me a jump cuddle, the Chithi who makes milo for me and have long senseless chit chats, the Chitapa who cooks and loves having sensible chats. The air, the weather, everything. Just as I thought I would miss it, I am missing it now.

Woke up pretty early, got ready and went for the awards ceremony. I wasn't facially ready for it, with my eye bags and all. Hehe, but what the hell. I had fun. Nazreen was there and him being him, made my day a lot more enjoyable. It was all about getting on the stage and receiving the scroll. I have photos but they are in the Appa's camera and I am too lazy to go out of the room, climb the staircase, stumble in the dark and find for it. Just look out for the education pull out in this Sunday's The Star for the photos. Pretty hot chicks too. Brainy hot chicks. Guys, you won't want to miss that out. Just ignore the miserable looking girl somewhere in the middle. Hehe.

I am still recovering from the jet lag and everything else that I left and came here. Guess I could use some sleep. I still want to write, but I don't want to. Bala left me a present when I was gone and him being sweet as usual, made me smile even without being physically present. Sheena will be back on Wednesday (I can't wait). And in less that 2 weeks time I will be all ready to start uni. Scary how fast time flies.

My life's starting for real now, and I am excited.

Oh, and P/S: Next stop, FINLAND!

Rusa Masuk Melbourne (Day 35)

2011-09-13T01:13:00.000+08:00

I think I finished packing. I think so lah. It seemed so easy that I keep wondering whether I've missed anything out. Lost count of the number of times I yawned and rubbed my eyes. It's almost 3am here. The cold is bearable. Just that when I type, the sides of my fingers get so cold that it stings to press all 5 fingers together. 3 layers on top and 3 layers below. Hahaha, kelakar la when I see myself in the mirror. Like some puffed up hot air balloon. (Okay, I don't know where that comparison came from).

It feels sad that this whole thing is coming to an end. Ananthiy asked whether I could stay with her forever or not (which is impossible) but listening to the things children say in the most naive ways, can make you sad. REALLY sad. And then I came up with this whole list.

Leaving tomorrow.

I don't want to leave.

I don't mind freezing every morning, afternoon and evening before and after and during my shower.

I am okay with wearing layers and layers of clothes before putting on my coat.

I can start working somewhere and get enough money to support myself here.

Eventually I can save up enough money and build a University of Nottingham Australia Campus, and I can continue studying.

I will save up even more money ( I don't know how on earth I am going to do that) and buy a house here and shift Amma, Appa, Mugan and Neyshaa here.

And then I realized my plane tickets are already booked and it's final. I am leaving. I have to pack. I have to leave. I am not left with a choice. Tomorrow by this time, I'd already be back in the tanah air. And the week after that, is my uni enrollment. Maybe this is where my life really starts. You know, the real life, not the one I have been living all this years. Pampered (not exactly) and covered with dreams and fantasies. I am excited but not so excited to leave this place. Somewhere in between getting use to everything and adjusting myself, I fell in love with this place. The quietness (though it can be very torturing at times), the food, the people, the scenery, the crisp air, EVERYTHING. Haih.

Got to get back to the packing. Signing off from Victoria, Melbourne.

Rusa Masuk Melbourne (Day 34)

2011-09-08T23:22:00.000+08:00

I did exactly what I felt like doing yesterday. Not go to city and stay at home and snuggle under the comforter for hours. Oh well, I was alone, not that I was snuggling with anyone. I don't even know why I just explained that. Jeez, I am losing my mind. Haha. And everything's back on track again. (As usual) Had a few mails exchanged between me and my moon blaming buddy, and then I was A-Okay! Well, I had a good long sleep too, if that counts. These days just come and go so swiftly that we don't even know. Even better news, I am down with fever. Not the hot kind of fever, it's the cold one. And it sucks. -.-' The supposedly non-drowsy pills are making me as drowsy as ever! I like being drowsy anyway, so no complains.

Stayed in bed for like forever. The music was going on and on and on. Set the playlist to go on repeat, so I would not have to endure the muscles moving to replay it again. Got out of bed, lazily. Mandi-manda, and watched tv after that. Makan and folded the clothes. Makan again. Kept reminding myself not to take the bloody medicine or I will pass out again. It'll be good to take in awhile, when I am about to go to bed. Chithi went for swimming, Chitapa is on the phone with his relative and I am here. Ananthiy is already asleep, long time ago. I can't bring myself to pack. I can't see myself leaving. I also don't see myself in university. I just see myself as how I am now, on Cloud 9, travelling, not worried of what I'm wearing or how my hair is. Just this magic about being in a foreign country. It makes you feel free. It allows you to breathe.

It's a good feeling.

p.s: not to mention that the opposite sex over here are pretty darn good looking too. *wink*

Here are few of the most favorite snaps of mine over the days here. Enjoy!

GN!

Rusa Masuk Melbourne (Day 33)

2011-09-07T18:23:00.000+08:00

It's absolutely gorgeous here, on the other side of the river. Maybe that's why people say that you have to see life from a different perspective. Maybe then it'll all seem better than it actually is. Just maybe.

The pigeons are waddling across the street, as if they were pecking on thin air. The ivory green and purple on their necks takes turn to shimmer under the bright piercing sun. The river in front of me, calm as always, with a steady current pacing through without a hurdle. Little spots are visible far off on the other shore, along with faint quacks. Ducks. Green headed ducks with brown wings and lighter brown body. They swam happily, ocassionally dipping their heads into the water, sticking their bums up. Seagulls soaring just inches above the water, keeping an eye on any possible food source. Little brown birds hopping around my chair, constantly poking their beaks up at me, as if asking me to spare some food for them. Chilly weather, the sort of chilly that pierces through your skin and makes limbs numb. Smell of freshly cut grass, makes everything crisper. There is also sound of music, far away, yet able to be picked up by my ears. Sort of a mixture of piano and violin. After all, the Arts Center is just across the road.

The water is calmer now, maybe due to the absence of the ducks poking in and out. Little birds flying all over and the tiny gush of wind from the flap of their little wings hit my ears softly. With all this beauty, nature contains, how is it possible to notice people? The chirps, the gushes of wind, flapping of wings, drowns the existence of people. Just watching the flow of the river calms everything in me. And here comes the mynas. Fighting with the seagulls for food that apparently ends up to be shreds of paper and dried leaves. Sad. Looks like it's not only humans that are misguided into believing that there's hope at times. Good to have company. The buildings facing me seemed like cardboard being pilled up together and Lego sets fixed to resemble a tiny town. They looked fake. More like a cut out from a magazine.

Basically today I was just sitting by the river, looking at everything, analyzing everything and realizing how much I wanted to fly like the seagulls. Just spread my wings and fly. Then reality hit me. Neither do I have wings nor can I fly. Silly fairy tales. I felt sick. I still do. Just got home and popped in a few pills. And now it's taking effect, thank God. I need to be able to sleep well without waking up every millisecond to check the time. Time to sleep now. Don't even feel like going to the city tomorrow. Want to stay in and under the comforter the whole damn day.

GN. :)

Rusa Masuk Melbourne (Day 32)

2011-09-06T21:20:00.001+08:00

Another home day I suppose. A very busy home day. -.-' Cook, fold clothes, wash clothes and made Ananthiy dinner. I enjoyed every bit of it. Watched movies while folding the clothes and it was a miracle that I finished two whole big basket. Haha. Doubt I would have done it if it was not for the movies. Then about 6 Chitapa came to pick me up and we went swimming with Ananthiy and Chithy. Chitapa went for badminton. Came home, Chthi and I had dinner, before that I tucked Ananthiy into bed while Chithi made milo for her. And then little chat with Chithi and here I am. Well, I have been here for quite a while, just could not get myself to write, God knows why. I wonder what I'd do if I can't write anymore. You know like horse riders who can ride anymore, teachers who can't teach anymore and debaters who can't talk anymore. I'd probably have a concussion and blow my head off. Well, let's just hope that I can continue writing.

You know, there's something about this silence. That's so dreadful and also silent. Silent killer. Haha, that was the very immature Bala's friendster address. Wonder where that came from. He left, approximately 56minutes ago. All those moments we shared, like sitting at my house porch and talking about utter nonsense that I can hardly remember now and the quick hug under the rain at 3am before he sprints off because he's waaay pass his curfew is just going to go down the drain, because of some girl who popped up in between. He's a child. Just an over grown, over muscular, bearded, naive child who has a pure heart and a genuine soul. Last thing I want for him is to have a broken heart. He left today, off to the uni. As usual making me promise that we'd see each other during Deepavali. I sure hope we will.

And me trying to open up did not seem like a good idea at all. In fact, what one earth was I thinking? Guess all the answers that I want I have to find it on my own. It just makes me so angry at times that he just left. Frustrating, sad and furious. And when I finally actually feel like talking about it, I am asked to drop it. Maybe it's just for me to bare I suppose, some kind of bad karma. I am 20 and at the edge of insanity. Funny isn't it? So many questions yet to be answered. I don't know how and when the answers are coming but I sure learnt one thing, it's the most painful one can live with. Memories and what ifs. One way the dead keep themselves amused. I learnt my lesson. Just don't bother talking about it. I'd just write and ramble (something I do best) and then just sleep it off.

Will be starting uni in a few more weeks, meaning I have to start all over again. Then just bury myself with books, a possible life and friends, I think I'd be fine. As usual.

Rusa Masuk Melbourne (Day 31)

2011-09-06T19:28:00.000+08:00

Nothing much happened. Home day. Did not feel like going out anywhere today. Was simply not in the mood, wanted to just stay in, cook, watch tv, help with the chores and all that usual boring stuffs. Not so boring for me though. I did not feel like the buzz of the city today. Nothing noisy or involving people. Just me, my books, macadamia cookies and music.

So yea, I guess that's about it. Unless you want photos of me cooking and cleaning, there are no other photos for the day.

Bala's leaving tomorrow. I don't know how and why it disturbs me. Or WHAT that is disturbing me. Maybe it's the fact that the very young, innocent, naive best friend then 1st love then best friend again of mine is already a grown up and is leaving. And has a girlfriend. -.-' I mean come on. Gah, forget about it. I am going to bed.

GN.

Rusa Masuk Melbourne (Day 30)

2011-09-04T20:30:00.001+08:00

Well well well. Ofishalli 30 days now. But believe me, I am still like a rusa masuk ~~kampung~~ Melbourne. It's Father's Day here, weird right? Oh well, all that aside.

It was a city day today, with delicious food (as usual), sight seeing, casino visits and ice cream sessions! =D All good. Got to the city by the train as Chity said Chitapa should not drive, it's Father's Day and that he should relax. He was indeed relaxed, because he mentioned that it's really nice letting someone else do the driving and him just sitting and enjoying the view. Wasn't that cold, very windy though. And cloudy. Most of the photos did not turn out well because there wasn't any sun. :( I did not want to use the flash also because it might create reflections and I hate unnatural, extra light. Time for a new lens I suppose.

We had lunch in this Moroccan restaurant, Mecca Bar. Pretty good food. Like Indian food, just less spicier. And the jalan-jalan, went to the fun park, where all the fathers got free entree, and children everywhere with their fathers, laughing and enjoying themselves. It was so good to see, especially the young fathers. Some may also be celebrating their first father's day. =D Ahhh, so eye cooling. They went on the rides with their kids as the mothers stood by and watched, beaming to see her family happy. God bless them. :) Later, Chithi and I went on a casino visit. Woohhoo, the place where millions of dollars gets checked in everyday. The place looked like it's worth a million bucks, let alone the men in there. *peuh* Awesomeness. The bouncers do actually look like bouncers, with their gruff voice and puffed up chest.

I did not want to gamble. Wasn't feeling lucky, but Chitapa was so very lucky that he he won $700. Hahhaa. Rugi I did not gamble. Maybe I should go back one day, before I leave. Plus I wasn't really dressed to be in a casino. Hmm, should turun one night totally hyped up. Hehehe. I should I should.

After the casino visit we were at the very expensive food court and something caught me eyes. Well, someone lah. There was this guy at the cafe counter, very humble and pleasant looking man, taking orders and making coffee. He had a bunch of co-workers whom he spoke and laughed to at times. At one point he was telling one of them a story, he was so into it. He must be an avid story teller because his hand gestures were all over and facial expressions were so serious and even I started smiling away looking at his seriousness. Luckily Chithi did not notice. =P Interesting guy.

Look pass the guy the the cast, the lady with the grey jumper and do you see a guy in black with hand gestures and avid seriousness on his face? :)

After that it was just a long walk back to the train station and boarded the train back home. Here I am, completely exhausted and worn out. Terrible back ache, I wonder why. Chithi just gave me a massage and I am already feeling sleepy now. I will be hitting bed soon. Enjoy the photos and take care!

A heritage building, not demolished but preserved though it's placed in the midst of the main train station.

The waterfront

Yet to masuk the stadium.

An abandoned Ferris wheel

I never liked clowns

:S Errr, creepy.

The cloudy fun park. :S

Skydeck

Weird deco near the casino

Sun was finally peaking

Casino entrance

Where all the rich and famous go to wait while their chips are turned to cash

In the casino

Yeah right!

GN!

Rusa Masuk Melbourne (Day 29)

2011-09-03T20:27:00.001+08:00

*chuckle chuckle*

Okay, let me begin. A beautiful day but I was not interested in getting out of bed AT ALL. I wanted to sleep sleep sleep and sleep. It was about 8am I guess, my phone rang. It took me by surprise, because it was so early and why would anyone want to call me so early? I answered it anyway, half asleep.

Hello?
Hey, Grampians?

I jumped out of bed (God I love it when I do that, it means I am genuinely very very VERY surprised + shocked + excited).

Glen?
*his gorgeous laughter* Can I at least know your name?
*my not so gorgeous morning blur laughter* It's Vithiya.
That's better. Now Vithiya, I apologize for calling in so early, it's just that I got to the office and Sam passed me the note you left and I could not wait another moment but to call you. I hope I did not wake you up.
Oh no no. No problem actually. I was about to wake up anyway. (NOT!) I am glad you did not wait another moment. Waiting is agonizing.
You are a writer aren't you?
*my not so gorgeous morning blur laughter again* No, Glen I am not.
*awkward silence*
It was very sweet you know, that note.
It was a very random, out of mind scribbling. That's what it was. I am sorry though. I don't deal well with men.
Yeh, it was pretty obvious.
I'd take that as a twisted compliment.
You'd be leaving end of this week right?
Wow, you remembered.
I can't afford to forget.
You are good with words aren't you, Glen?
It's just like how you are in someways good with men.
So you called me just to shower me with compliments in the morning?
No, I did not put off receiving my pay cheque, having my breakfast and work just to shower you with compliments.
Then?
Boi, you do play pretty hard to get don't you?
*laugh* nope, that's not the term. I prefer something more subtle.
Alright, let's discuss this something more subtle issue over cheesecakes?
*smiling wide* Yay!
*gorgeous laughter* Finally. Looks like everything that's meant to be finds its way indeed.
Oh. That's cliche for a man to use.
I like cliche.
I like it too.
Wednesday 9am corner of Bourke & Swanston? Breakfast, lunch and tea?
*laugh* sounds good.
Alright. I will call you soon. Not tonight, because it might seem to mushy. How about tomorrow morning? Just like today?
*laugh* too mushy indeed. morning's just fine.
Alrightie. I'm off to work wearing a big smile today. You have a g'day.
*laugh* You too Glen. Take care.
Will do Grampians.

I slammed myself back on bed smiling away. :) It was just minutes before Chithi knocked on the door, asking whether or not I'd like to go for shopping. YES! And off we went, from Westfield to Mill Park to Chadstone. Tried on every single dress that I liked, ate and ate until I was totally worn out. Drove back and reached home about 7pm. That's like more then 10 hours of shopping. Geez! Totally kong weh. Got home, Chitapa made nasi goreng, simple dinner. Helped Anathiy make a card for Chitapa and then she was watching tv and here I am. Going to sleep in a while. Write and write and write. :)

My last week here is probably going to be the most exciting one I suppose. We'll see.

GN!

Rusa Masuk Melbourne (Day 28)

2011-09-03T19:52:00.000+08:00

Thank you all for the birthday wishes! I feel very blessed. :) And thank you facebook, for reminding them that it was my birthday. Hahaha!

To begin with, I forgot the name of the place we went to today. Woke up and Chithi and Chitapa and Ananthiy were all there to give me a big big hug. Then Ananthiy gave me a card she made, the sweetest thing ever from a 4 year old. :) Chitapa was off to work and Chithi got ready. We went to the temple. =D The Amma there was soooooo beautiful. After so many weeks of not looking at her, today when I saw her, I felt totally at peace. Her smile, her cheeks and her eyes. EVERYTHING. It's everything about her that makes me smile, calms me down and humbles me. Hmm. Felt goooood. :)

And then we set off on this journey to (I forgot the place's name). Beautiful lake, ample of wildlife, good food, pretty flowers and fresh air. Another place that allows me to just breathe. Breathe and not worry about anything else on the face of this earth. We walked and walked around the lake and the track seemed to go on and on. There was a time when I was walking down the hill and Chithi was further ahead of me and I heard the strum of a guitar along with a faint male voice. I was soo tempted to follow that voice and somehow find the guy and tell him that the both of us were meant to be. =P But there again, I did not want to get lost and weighing on the options of having a super cool boyfriend who can sing compared to getting lost in a forest and dying, I think the choice is pretty obvious.

Had lunch in a vintage cafe that looked like a cottage and had a very good yet devilish looking guy at the back of the counter. I won't be surprised if he told me that he changes into a vampire at night. Meal was pretty good. Butter chicken with naan and rice. Manavaalan told me to try the butter chicken and I forgot about it. But as I walked into the cafe and took a look at the menu, there it was. Just had to try it. After all, I am a food lover. =P After lunch, we headed to the waterfall. A real waterfall. Where there was a lot of water, actually falling. Magnificent. After that was a drive along the gorgeous countrysides. Everything was so beautiful that at one point, I felt like I should indeed get married to a country man who has a barn and a pretty little home over looking the lake and a yard where the sun sets on. Haaaaaah. Bliss. And hey, country men can be awesomely gorgeous also okay.

Got home, had bath, cut cake, and then off for dinner. To a Chinese restaurant. Food was very very good and topped it all of with exquisite wine. Satisfaction at it's best. Good day. Finally 20. Not sure whether that's a good thing or not but as Sheena says 20 would be a lucky year for me. We'll see what's lined up. Got home again and I slept off. Tired. VERY tired. Enjoy the photos.

The spa & bath house

Delicious menu. Mine was the 3rd one.

The place we dined in

Seemed like a kampung house. =P

Sulphur water from underground. (They don't taste good, trust me)

The pump where the yucky tasting water flows out

Daisies!

More daisies!

The lake

Lake + a dam + a waterfall

This was pinned on a chair.

And the chair was facing this view.

The water really does sparkle. :)

Pretty aren't they? :)

It's a beautiful world with beautiful people. We are very blessed compared to many others. Just be happy and get a gist of life.

GN!

Rusa Masuk Melbourne (Day 27)

2011-09-02T00:02:00.000+08:00

Anddd another interesting day. Funny day actually. Inevitably did a few random stuffs, which I think I should be proud myself about. Pretty awkward but not as awkward as I thought it would be. In fact, I ended up having fun. Ahhh, I love my life. =D It's weird because I don't know where to start. Hmm. Well, umm Glen did not call, for a start. And I meet up with what you may call a family friend or an old friend who is studying here. It was pretty funny because we don't really talk much and he seem to have forgotten the little most details of our family vacations together but somehow it ended up to be a pretty good day. This is how it started.

I stayed in Chithi's office probably until 9.30 (I was too lazy to go out and have a walk) and the eventually had to leave because everyone started working and kept thinking that I was her new assistant. =P Went downstairs and did what I felt like doing that day. Sitting in a cafe and reading. Until 11.30, wasn't really that bad. Except for the orange juice. Did taste like the yuckiest thing ever. Chithi came along, after her meeting and we set off on our voyage to hunt for food. Ended up in a pastry cafe where all the delicious pasteries were lined up and presented beautifully that you'd want to buy them all. We did kind of bought a little too much but nothing to complain since we enjoyed it. After that indulged ourselves in a bookstore (that was like heaven) and she went of to work and I went of to wait for him. We were suppose to meet at 2.

I wasn't nervous I think, though earlier this morning I was, wondering what am I going to talk to him. I may have gone into the book I was reading so much because I did not realize that he was literally standing in front of me and it was sharp 2. I could say that he was nervous and when I saw him nervous I got a tiny bit nervous. Well, only a tiny bit. =P It was not awkward until this guy decided to ask him whether I was his girlfriend and that I have been waiting for a couple of hours for him. -.-' Haih. The aliens are everywhere, aren't they? Pity him, had to actually explain to that guy, a total stranger, about what we were, together. And that's when the walking started I suppose. Oh no, not yet. Not the REAL walking. =P

He suggested a coffee shop in an alley which turned out to be impressive. There were chairs hanging from the ceiling. Yea, I am serious. There WERE chairs hanging from the ceiling and the wall paper was made out of pages of some non English book with English names. And it was evident. We went to a coffee shop and had coffee. His was a strong espresso (I think that's what it was) or latte, I don't know. It tasted like cigarette. =P And mine tasted like coffee, very thick coffee, which was according to the coffee lover, real coffee. He definitely is a different person than the chubby boy I knew back in the years. Hahaha. People do change after all I suppose. We talked about random stuffs, like whether or not the wall paper was pages from an English book or a non English book. I am a total sucker when it comes to handling guys. -.-'

He was still nervous I think, meddling with his phone most of the time and yeah. It was good, all good. For two kids like us who spoke more to each other's parents than to each other, we did pretty good. We sat there for a little too long and he suggested another coffee shop, somewhere. Surprisingly, I ended up liking the taste of coffee. We had a long walk (because we did not know what else to do) and he think that walking in the gardens is what only girls would do. Haha. And he had this secret dislike for tattoos fearing that he might hate what he permanently tattooed into the flesh 5 days after that. Definitely weirder than I thought he was. And I meant that as a compliment.

He grew up to be a good man after all.

About 4.30, another coffee shop and then little more walk until we met up with Chithy and I introduced her to him and him to her. They spoke, and laughed about somethings that I don't remember and we left! Yea, we left. Funny though, this whole thing. And it was in fact his birthday today. I actually wanted to get a slice of cake and you know "have a little celebration" but somehow after seeing him, everything faded. -.-' Looks like I am a sucker with guys after all.

On the way home, a pounding headache, due to the coffee and came home and I threw up. HAHAHAHAHAHA! The most epic thing EVER. Have you heard of anyone who has got a hang over kind of feeling after having cups of coffee? Well, if you haven't, then meet me. =P It was so funny, because I was just telling him how I'd like to experience having a hang over. And I did, just not because of booze but because of coffee. Chithy and Chitapa gave me a remedy which I am pretty sure used for hang overs. Threw up a couple of times, went to bed, felt hungry, got out of bed and had dinner and threw myself back into bed again. I did tell him all that happened, and along with a proper thank you and goodbye which I did not have a chance to say when we 'departed' but I suppose me throwing up wasn't exactly something he'd like to hear. Geez, I think I do need a book of "How To Pick Up A Man". He thinks it's just disturbing to have a book like that though. =P

Slept for a few hours and here I am, feeling all nausea again. Hungry and deprived of sleep. Happy Birthday to myself. Finally 20, with a hang over. Makes me feel a little bad ass now.

GN!

Rusa Masuk Melbourne (Day 26)

2011-08-31T21:50:00.002+08:00

Hehe. Pretty good day today (I suppose). Yeah, it was a good day with good company and silly things done. Chithy went off to work early and I was suppose to take a walk in the gardens. Sat in Gloria Jeans again (as usual), had white chocolate. Too sweet. Eeekk. And had a sandwich. I was actually too lazy to walk up to the gardens but as Chithi said it's a nice place and I have to see it. I went to the Botanical Gardens, but before that, I had something important to take care of. It made me a little indecisive but in the end I decided to pick the "I should" out of the "I should not."

Paid for the sandwich and walked on Swanston. As I was nearing the office, I wasn't sure of what I am going to do next. Step by step, I neared the corner office. And for some silly reasons, I walked pass it. -.-' No balls. Walked pass it, crossed the road and stood across and looked at the office. I felt like I was being such and idiot. Shrugged off the idea with the reasoning that I am being to dramatic and life's not like what happens in the movies. But just as I stepped away, it seemed like I was doing something wrong. Every step felt heavy and it was like I was making the same mistake again. By saying mistake, I meant pushing away a guy who was sincerely approaching me. After all, like Naren said, "It's only a cheesecake session. No harm."

I turned back, retraced my steps back to the office. I was not thinking or weighing any options anymore. Let's just do it. What the hell anyway. I walked into the office and saw a familiar face. The girl at the counter the other morning.

"Good morning, how you doing today?" she greeted pleasantly with a very thick Aussie lisp.

She has definitely forgotten my face. I did not bother reminding her anyway. It'll be way too complicated.

"Hey, morning and I am good, thank you. I was wondering if you can do me a favor."

She squinted her eyes a little, probably wondering what sort of favor I was about to ask.

"It's you, from the Grampians tour the other day right?" she pointed at me, smiling.

HAH! She remembered me. Good start after all.

"So tell me, how can I be of help to you today?"

"Right. That. Erm, by any chance is Glen in today?"

Again, I think I might have taken her by surprise. I did not what her to ask me anymore questions. Like why I'd want to see him, how I'd known him. I did not have solid answers for all that. For all i know, she might be his girlfriend. Shit, what the hell did I walk in to? Too late to turn back and run now isn't it?

"Oh, Glen. I'd tell you, if you can tell me which Glen we are talking about here. We have a couple of Glens working for us."

Another 'oh shit' moment. -.-'

"Ahh, the Glen who drove me, oh, umm, drove us to Grampians?"

My had my tight smile one. VERY awkward. And my hands were clutched so tight in my pocket, all sweaty. I had no idea why on earth I stress so much about it.

"Glen only works during the weekends, so I am afraid he is not in today."

Gaaaahh!! For God's sake, tell me something I don't know! -.-'

"Can I take a message or something? It seems urgent. Did you misplace any of your belonging in the van?"

Urgent? Misplaced belonging? Naaah, it's something simpler like he asked me out after such a good day and me being such a self-absorbed girl, just left without saying anything. Whether I would have said yes or no would not have mattered, but instead, I just walked out and that is definitely nothing he deserved. Probably made him feel as bad as I felt, so yeah, it IS urgent.

"A message, YES! That would be lovely. But do you have any idea when he's receive it?"

"He'll be in tomorrow or probably the day after. It's pay day. Plus, he works in the city too. So, anytime in this 3 days. "

"Oh wow. Ermm, that's fast. Ahh. Okay," I blankly stared at her.

She laughed. And that was when I knew that I was officially losing it. Take a deep breath, Vithiya. Deep breath.

"I will MAKE SURE he gets it. Alright?" she smiled and handed me a piece of paper and pen.

Thank God for nice people like her on earth. I took the pen and paper, not sure what to write. Knowing me, I would have just wrote and essay like this one, but the paper was tiny. Enough to jot down points. Important points. I was staring at the paper. She was staring at me. Hahahaha. Thinking about how it was just now, cracks me up now. I eventually moved away from her and sat at the waiting area, trying to get my head straight. I took and deep breath and pointed the tip of the pen onto the paper.

Glen,

Sorry I left the other day without saying anything. Well, except for 'bye and take care' of course. Are we still meeting up for cheesecake? Mine with cookies & urs with raspberries.

Grampians :)

I scribbled my hand phone number (though it felt so wrong) and handed it to the lady at the counter.

"Please make sure that he gets it."

"No worries, he will . Your name?"

"Grampians," I said smiling so wide.

I bet as I walked out of the office she would have confirmed that I am indeed a lunatic. Hahaha. First time, me doing all this. And it felt good. It was already almost 11 and so I walked towards Botanical Garden, smiling away, feeling so proud. Whether he calls me or not, is second. What matters most is that I did what I am supposed to do. Hah. =) Walked around in Botanical Gardens and don't ask me why no photos. I did not feel like congesting my hands and view by having a camera in front of my face all the time. Well, at least not today. I felt like walking freely, without being obliged to anything. As I said, there's something about this place. It's pulls you deep down and then presents you with a package to recharge yourself. Interesting.

Let's see what happens.

And the rest of the day was spent with a whole bunch of Taiping-ites. Hahahaha. Laughing the afternoon away. Good day. Very good day indeed. Another interesting day awaits tomorrow. As I always say, whatever happens, happens.

Just a photo that I took. Thought it was pretty.

GN!

Rusa Masuk Melbourne (Day 25)

2011-08-30T19:53:00.002+08:00

Hah! We did not go to the city today. Which is good news because I got to sleep longer. Hehe. Woke up only at 11am and then lazed around bed for quite a while. I woke up having complicated stuffs in mind and God knows why. All that incidents long time ago, flooded back into my memory bank just as I was lying on the bed. Weird, I did not feel anything except for utter stupidity. I laughed most of it off. What else is there left to do? That's what you do with memories. You laugh them off. Everything changes. People die or in any other ways, they leave you. And you'd be an idiot to think they'll stay with you forever. At one point in time, you have to live the life by yourself because that's what it's all about. You and only you. Not your spouse, your neighbor neither your parents. You just got to complete your duty and responsibility and then set on your journey.

I want to do that earlier. Well not die earlier, silly. Set on my journey earlier. But there again, the material life is so appealing, isn't it? Let's see where life takes me. Where all this takes me. I am eager to see what life has for me. At the same time, I am scared too. The last time this guy told me that he was looking forward to see what life has for him, he died. After all, that's what awaits us. Just that he reached his destination a little early. Waay early actually. I am going to do things that he told me he wanted to do. I want to live both of our lives together. =)

Complicating actually. Very complicating to wake up and suddenly have all this in your mind. Even more complicating to go about acting like it's not complicating.

That's why I only got out of bed only at 12.30pm, and that also only because Amma called me. I want to tell her all this. Like how much I am missing him, everything that he said, everything that we did. But what's the point? It won't bring back the dead, will it? And she'd feel heavy, because she might not have anything to say. to think about it, anything and everything that everyone said, had the little most effect. It waddles into my right ear and waddles back out from my right ear. Knowing that, I always choose to keep it in me. After all, I've lived it, nothing can describe what we shared. So why bother?

Ah, here I go swaying off topic again.

We went swimming. =) And just got back. Chithi and Chitapa went out. I read Ananthiy stories, made her milo and tucked her in. The house is dead silent now. Drop a tissue and I'd be able to hear it. It's sort of the silent silence. Where you can hear your heartbeat. I'd be going to bed early today. City day tomorrow. And in another 48hours, I'd be turning 20. Funny, I feel no excitement. In fact, I feel like a 20 year old widow.

GN.

Rusa Masuk Melbourne (Day 24)

2011-08-30T19:26:00.000+08:00

Let's see what happened today. Nothing much. It was my home day. Washed clothes, watched tv, took a stroll, stalked few of the houses. =P Naah, I didn't. Hehe. Just took a stroll. Chithi got back late from work so I prepared Ananthiy's food, (it's a miracle I did). Who knew preparing toddler's food can be so complicated. Hahaha. I did not want to go wrong anywhere, since she might get sick. Thankfully, she cam home and ate well. Got her to have her bath and just as she finished having her bathed, Chithi got home. Chithi's not feeling well these few days back and it'll be relaxing for her if she came home and see Ananthiy already had her bath.

Then I read Ananthiy a story, and Chithi put her to bed. And here I am writing again. Hahaha, lifeless am I? =P Write write write. Itu je kerja. Not sure wherether we'll be going to the city tomorrow or not, but I am still pretty exhausted from all the trip. Wonder why the fatigue? Getting old already kot. -.-'

GN!

The Opposite Sex

2011-08-29T20:33:00.003+08:00

Okay, let's talk men.

I saw something at the bookstore which inspired me so much to write about it until I don't know where to start. Hmm. For a start, I was wondering around city and exploring into every single bookstore that I store and this particular one I went to had this interesting book placed in an interesting section.

"The Perfect Man", placed in the fiction section.

Immediately it struck me. Why is this book place in the fiction section? Why not non-fiction? The idea of a perfect man is such a taboo so much so it's classified as fiction? Many of my girlfriends who are committed admit that their boyfriends are not perfect. And when they say not perfect, they mean that the guys change. Obviously, when a guy is pursuing a girl, he'll definitely want to portray his best right? And that's exactly what we girls want in order to be smitten. It can't last for long of course. Eventually the guy would get back to his true self which might not be what the girls would expect or even like.

And that's when the problem starts I suppose. The girls feel 'cheated' in a way, because this was not a 'package' that they signed up for and the guys, they feel like the girls have to accept them for who they are. Guys can't be perfect, neither can girls. <---- That can possibly be their argument. And the argument can go on and on, both sexes have equal points to debate on. Books like "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" gets published and sells over 7 million copies. Give me a break, both man and woman are from earth and it takes more than a book pertaining relationship to help you solve your problems. Though I am a female myself, I can't write much about us. I wonder why. I think the saying "opposite attracts" plays a big role in this. The issues pertaining men have always interested me in many ways.

They can in fact be absolutely perfect despite having all their imperfections (if that's what they want to call it).

I have a few male friends are have been married for 5years or so and their major worry is that they might not be/look as interesting or 'perfect' as they were before. Like their self-esteem goes down and along goes sprints down their perfection points. I just listen, nod and smile during the discussions and then I come home and wonder that am I the only one who finds a husband and a father of a 2year old more interesting than an average teen going to college. It's not about getting involved emotionally but to see how much being a father can change a man, and to see what he becomes after that, the transformation, the way he thinks, the way he perceives the world. Definitely a very different man compared to when he was first married.

It'll be Hugh Jackman for me over Robert Pattison. Pattison might be the most sort after guy but Jackman has experience and maturity which are the most priced possessions a man can have.

Friends of mine who are in the age of getting married but still haven't either because they haven't found the right woman or those simply don't have the idea of getting hitched always laugh about their status as if they are not worried. But in their laughs there is a little nervousness. In their jokes there is a pinch of seriousness. They complain about their graying hair and mustache. They cover it up with hair dye and then worry about the laughter lines on their cheeks and wrinkles on their eyes. For them it makes them look less interesting. Less cool and over all, less perfect. Ask me and I say every single grey hair makes a man interesting. More intriguing. Every single strand of grey hair on it's own has a story to represent. The lines and wrinkles? Hah, even better. And when these guys, my friends, go on and on about how girls might not be interested in them anymore because there are more hype and younger men out there, I silently laugh and pity the girls, because they are in fact awesome guys. A little cuckoo and nutty on the outside though. =P

What about these men that is not interesting? Age caught up, yea. So? I bet I am not the only one who finds these men waay better than the newbies around. Or maybe it's just me and my liking for elder men? Ah, either way I'd still stand by my point which is,

"What men consider as their cause of imperfection can be the very points that makes them perfect."

Thus, perfect men do exist and they don't have to be placed in the fiction section! When I rule the world one day (let's just hope I do), books regarding perfect men will be placed in the non-fiction section!

And yes, every man is perfect in his own ways. It just needs to be observed from the correct angle. AND the correct person.

Cheers to all of you guys out there!

Rusa Masuk Melbourne (Day 23)

2011-08-28T22:18:00.000+08:00

After the tight days this week, I had a good sleep today. Minus the dream about Glen. Woke up, laughed about that dream and the hit right back into sleep again. Hahaha. Pretty simple day today. Lunch was sandwich then went for shopping and went touring into display homes. I tell you, those homes were gorgeous! Dang. -.-' So expensive. That's why I told Amma that if I was to earn in RM, by the time I get that house would be when I am 50. Hmm, must find a way to make money. Beautiful, really.

Got home, fed Ananthiy her dinner and then read her story books while Chitapa cooked and Chithi went to have her bath. And then we all had dinner, Chithi put Ananthiy to sleep and Chitapa was watching TV. Here I am, typing out every single thing. Still tired, my legs are aching. Tips of my fingers are sore due to the rock climbing stuff I did yesterday at the waterfall. Hahha. Good day, yesterday. Today I am just too tired to write anything more. So hope you'd enjoy the previous posts and admire the photos. Again, if you'd want to use them, ask me first. =) I'd really appreciate that tiny bit of courtesy.

GN!

Rusa Masuk Melbourne (Day 22)

2011-08-28T22:08:00.000+08:00

A very physically challenging day. Really. VERY. *sigh*

Another tour. This time to the Grampians National Park. Seriously, it did not look like a park. Seemed like a jungle by itself. If this is a considered a National Park, our Taman Negara all might seem like a bush. It was soo bloody huge. And yea, I was sitting alone again, I wonder why that happens. This time the tour guide made things easier and offered me a seat beside him, right in front of the mini bus. I did not complain. =P What is there to complain? That I was sitting beside a young, almost 6 footer man for the rest of the day? No way man. Hahahaha! He was very nice in fact. We had a pretty awkward start. Hehe.

I was at the counter inquiring the arrival of the bus and just as I walked away, there was this man caling out, "Grampians! Hello? Grampians!" I turned and saw this man frantically waving at at me. He pointed at me and asked, "Grampians?" And I went, "My name is not Grampians." Hahahaha! So silly coming to think about it now. Then he said, "Of course your name is not Grampians. Are you coming with me to the Grampians?" "Yea I am on the tour, not sure whether it's with you." "Of course it's with me, go on get your things." And the he ticked my name on a piece of paper, asked whether I was travelling alone and asked me whether I'd like to have the seat beside his. Very sweet he was.

It was a 3 hour drive to the Grampians and we chatted all the way. I was a little reluctant to talk though, since there's a rule that says we cannot disturb drivers by talking to them. He cracked the conversation and I patched up well. Inseparable.

For a moment it felt like it was just me and him going on this day trip. Haha, like we forgot that there were another 26 other people seated behind us. He was pretty funny. And he used the would pretty a lot. He whistles when he's nervous and bites his nails when he's bored. AND his name was Glen, if I haven't mentioned it earlier. He made me count sheep and I smacked his hand every time he bit his nails. 3hours, a lot of time to get to know someone.

We went kangaroo spotting, waterfall discovering and hiking. Hiking, oh boy. 2 hours hiking up and another 2 hours hiking back down. -.-' My knees feel off and I had to fix it back. Glen showed us the way and then he disappeared somewhere saying he had to make some calls. I was left behind. Far behind and I let all the others walk first. Was short of breath and a little worried because I did not bring my inhaler along. Took my time. Stopping here and there. Enjoying the view. At one point, I could not hike anymore (and I felt like a total failure) but loved my life enough to stop and catch a breath rather than continue and die of asthma in the middle of a mountain.

And then along came this whistling man. It was Glen. Haha. He'd removed his jacket and loosely tied it around his neck leaving nothing but a singlet on. Distracting, again I told myself not to stare. =P I was a little shocked and scared, wondering he might ask me why I am not with the group. He did. And then he pointed to the ravine and said he's push me down if I don't get to the peak with him. Very threatening actually. Hahaha. And so we hiked, and talked and talked and talked. It felt good, having a company. Just as we reached the peak, the others ambushed Glen, saying that one of the boys fell and injured his elbow. Nothing serious, just a normal scrape you get after falling off your bicycle.

I decided to stray off to the waterfalls nearby. I did not know they required hiking, scary hiking. -.-' I felt like a Nat Geo journalist, climbing rocks and sliding off tiny hills of sand. It was a magnificent looking waterfall in front of me. In fact, there was 2. Both close by to each other. Worth all the hassle.

The 1st waterfall

The 2nd one

Killer ravine -.-'

Not as easy as it looks

I went all aboriginal and drank the waterfall water. Was so smart enough to forget my water bottle. The decided to hike back down, not wanting to go up to the peak where everyone would be panicking over a tiny little wound. -.-' Everything seemed so quiet. There wasn't the conversation echos like before. My guess at that time? Everyone has hiked down leaving me alone in this mountain. I AM GOING TO DIEEEEEE. -.-'

I hiked along the trail, feeling a little insecure. Rushing down the trail actually. Haih. I left the songs in my phone play out loud, to cover the quiet environment, which scared me to the max. -.-' Then I heard this very familiar voice yelling from not too far. "Oi, Grampians. Is that you?" I stopped and it took me less than a minute to burst out laughing. He caught up eventually. "I thought everyone left?" I asked him, trying to regulate my breath. "Ye they left. I went to the falls and guessed you'd been there." "How'd you know?" "Wet footprints on the stones." "How sure were you it was me?" "Come on, who's the one sadly travelling alone? Plus you've got pretty petite feet." "Do you always use the word pretty?" "Ah, pretty often."

Hahaha, like that we chatted empty chats and hiked down. It did feel really good, having someone to talk with. Got to the foot of the mountain and I walked off to see the kangaroos and I think he went to take a leak. Hahaha, he did not want to tell me, but it was pretty obvious.

Check out their claws. -.-'

Mehehehe. Comel kan?

Then it was time to shoot back to Melbourne. I was worn out. Tired and so were the other 26 of them. Glen stopped in Ararat for those who wanted to get dinner. I did not get off the bus. Too tired to walk. He opened a packed of chips and offered me some, just as I was writing part of this. I was too tired to talk and continued writing. Caught a glimpse of him in the corner of my eyes staring at the piece of paper I was writing on. I looked at him and he looked away. Haha. "Come on, Glen. You want to ask me something?" "Nothing actually." I just raised both my eyebrows and curved my lips downwards and continued writing. "Are you a writer?" Hehe. He could not contain his curiosity I guess. "Why ask?" "I mean, you've been writing ever since we left and now, you're still writing." "I love writing, as much as you love touring people. It doesn't make me an author as much as your love for touring people doesn't make you a tour guide." "Interesting."

Oh, he is not a tour guide by profession actually. He works in the bank and this is what he does during the weekends. And then we set for our drive back to the city. Left at 6pm and never stopped talking. There'd be times I would be at the edge of dozing off and he's give a hard nudge on my arm. -.-' "Talk to me, or I'll fall asleep and we will all die." Hahahaha. He repeated that a number of times. Very adorable and child like in certain ways. We spoke about everything, from tyres to ferns to cameras to relationships to goat's milk. Hahaha! At about quarter pass nine, we reached the city and he starting making the drop offs. He asked me where I'm suppose to be dropped of and I said Federation Sq and he said that he's purposely going to make that the last stop. =) And so we drove around, dropping off people and then it was only me left.

I felt a little heavy hearten to leave. It was a good day with good company. He stopped at Federation Sq and Chity was already waiting. I pointed that out and said I got to go. He nodded, holding the steering with one hand and the other on his head. I had to tell him. "You are really adorable Glen, it was indeed a very good tour." He blushed and looked down then looked up back again at me. That's when I got a little nervous. In the movies this is when the guy kisses the girl right? HAHAHAHAHA. So silly of me to even suddenly think that way. Too many Nicholas Sparks books I think. He asked me for how much longer I'd be in Melbourne and suggested that we meet up for a cheesecake session (we both love cheesecake). I did not answer to that question. Just smiled at him, put on my bag said take care and bye bye and got off the bus.

Maybe I should have said something huh? Hmm.

Got home and slammed myself on my bed and I was in dreamland in seconds. And I dreamed of him. Haha. Me and my often lucky encounters with men. Almost all don't last but let's see where this one goes.

After all, I know where to find him.

The view from the top

Rusa Masuk Melbourne (Day 21)

2011-08-28T18:58:00.002+08:00

SNOW DAY!

After 20 years of my life, I saw snow. I did not only see snow, I rolled and cuddled and tasted the snow. No biggie about the snow though. They just are what ice kacang looks like. Not with the gula melaka and topping of course. And the don't taste as good as ice does. They are thicker and more difficult to melt than ice. It's not only the snow that blew me off my mind, it was also the view. The feeling of being on a mountain. Not to mention the tip of a mountain. It made me realize how small we actually are. Nature beats us very easily. That's was also what I realized when I stood at the tip of the Great Apostles. It was mesmerizing.

Here we are, humans, fighting over land, resources and everything that does not actually belong to us. And the person who is the owner of it all, not God (let's not go there), Mother Nature, she's gentle, quiet and calm, probably looking at us and laughing away. Laughing because we are fighting over and destroying everything that is not ours. I really hope the world does not end in 2012 as the movie says because it would be such a waste. It was all so beautiful. The color of the sky, the mountains, the tree and the snow. It's like the colors have been hand picked.

Unfortunately when we were there, half of the snow have already melted (now that spring's coming).But there was enough snow for us to play around with at the top of the mountain. It was amazing feeling to be on top of that mountain. Felt like I was on top of the world. Hahaha. Sounds like some kid getting over excited. ANYWAY, here are the photos. Enjoy!

My snowman! =D

The peak

That was where we were

Rusa Masuk Melbourne (Day 20)

2011-08-28T18:11:00.001+08:00

Great Ocean Road. Definitely one of the places you have to see before you die. Seriously, it is.

The sea just goes on for miles and miles and miles. Endless. The horizons far away seems like another planet. It was cloudy and showering all the way. Waves so loud, hampering on the rocks creating millions of little water sprinkles. It's a very beautiful place for almost anything. Barbecue, wedding, vacation, proposal, or a simple stroll with your dog. Or a human. We could not get on the beach though, because there we too many people and the tour guide could not handle all of us. I still find it a silly reason.

I am definitely coming back to this place, not with a tour and a bunch of people whom I don't know. I'd want to drive down this road and stop wherever I feel like I want to. Make a lot of photo stops and not take photos from the bus window and then grumbling about the reflection of the shadow in the photos. Our first stop was on Bells Beach. This was not on the Great Ocean Road, but it was good. A very dreamy beach, where you can sit and get lost in your own thoughts, listening to the waves, wind and looking at the sky. The air tasted like salt and the water was clear, like it had nothing to hide.

Then we did not stop anywhere, just drove and drove along the GOR, looking at mind blowing scenery that you usually see in fiction movies and novels. The grey clouds gathered as though they were jealous we were having a good time. It started pouring slightly, causing the wind to get harder and colder.

On our way back, nothing looked striking more than the sunset.

It is true, travelling does change you. This is only my first trip. Wonder what the other trips that are coming in the future going to do to me. I am starting to like all this. The way I think, the people I see, my priorities reshuffling. Especially the way I write. Like I can go on and on and on about something that I was once never able to write about. It makes me feel good. It helps me to breathe. It doesn't drown me.

Scribbler By The Sea Scribbling

2011-08-25T21:40:00.000+08:00

The seat beside me was empty. Everyone else's seats were filled. It has been like this ever since I left Malaysia. In the plane, my seat was empty too. Buses, trams and now this. Makes me wonder, maybe I am better alone? Or that I learn to appreciate lonesomeness like what Amma said? Maybe then I can appreciate company. But there's another question. Whose company? Friends? Family? Someone other than that? Someone more.... speacial? I have been with all these 3 different categories of people but it still feels the same. You know, all the distant chatters among the group but still feeling empty space. Now, the distant shatter are all substituted bu music. My companion for the pass 3 weeks.

It feels more familiar now, the emptiness. As I stood on the shores of Bells Beach just now, the wind blew through the strands of my hair. Yea, my hair's longer now. Then I realized, I am getting back on track. Still do slip off once in a while. But there's something about this place. That slips me off my track and then presents me the remedy to cure the wound. A temporary one I suppose. I don't understand why. It's like you get lost in the forest, wearing out, tired, hungry and voila! You bump into this package with food , recharged phone batteries and water, all wrapped up nicely with your name on it. I'll keep slipping off and I'll continue discovering SOS packages all along the way. Only question is, where's this road leading me to?

Right now, this very moment as I am writing this, I am journeying along the Great Ocean Road. Again, something I never thought I would be doing. Well, not now at least. The plan was after the wedding, we'd head here to have a photo shoot. Now I know why he chose this place. Of all the places on earth why here? The wedding might be held in Malaysia or UK, most probably Malaysia. And why all the way here? He's answer was simple. "It's amazing." It indeed was amazing. Beyond my imagination. It's just like how you see in the movies. The water's light green, clear and get's darker as they get deeper. The waves hitting the shores, the clear blue sky. Everything. He was right after all.

I could see the both of us on that rock over there, while the photographer snaps away. He is in his white shirt, wearing his tie loose. And me, haha. In a light pastel pink chiffon wedding dress. I went along with his crazy ideas, because they thrilled me. I did not know anything, except for being a 19 year old. But he did. though he was childish, hopeless romantic and a silly 27year old, he know what he wanted out of his life. He knew that those plans were not just part of a play like most people put ip when they are supposedly in love. He told me, numerous times, that he loved me, which I often laughed off. I mean come on, what would have an intelligent, good looking, humorous man like him saw in me?

Until today, I have got no idea what he saw. I asked though, a few months before everything disappeared, when it was starting to protrude that he really did love me. He never answered. Either he's say that I am too young to understand stuffs like that or he'll just rattle off some classic English saying.

Just as I sat here, on the rocks, listening to the hampering waves and penning down all this, I am still astonished for being able to do so. Just as I looked up, across the sea, there was a rainbow. You know, I used to tell him how nice would it be if we could see a whole rainbow. Like from where it begun until the other end of it's bend. He said that rarely happens and that I have to be bloody lucky to see it. And here I was, sitting right under one. As I turned to the left, not far from me, I could see one of the rainbow's end on a rock and the other end was also on another rock on my right.

"He is here," my heart whispered. I missed him. Right here, right now. It's drizzling now and the rain drops are smearing the ink on my paper. Just maybe, I should stop now. I should let all these memories rest. After all, there are all in me.

He's in me.

The rainbows

The smaller one on both the rocks

*Photos are taken at the scene. This piece was hand written and then transferred as a blog post.

Copyrights Preserved 2011

Rusa Masuk Melbourne (Day 19)

2011-08-25T20:01:00.002+08:00

No, I don't have photos today.

And you want to know what I did today?

Sleep
Wake up
Bathe
Eat
Cook
Prepare dinner
Watch movie
Watch movie
Finish the novel
Stare at the wall

That's about it. So much for updates huh? =P Stay tune for tomorrow!

GN!

Rusa Masuk Melbourne (Day 18)

2011-08-23T22:33:00.001+08:00

Hell of a lot of walking today too. Eiiisshh! So tired! Darn thankful that tomorrow is home day. Nevertheless, it was a good day. Yea, I walked and explored all the gardens, took a lot of photos, I saw hunks, I loved the scenery and all the normal stuffs but what I like so much about today is that I saw so many young fathers, with and without their wives. Not in much privileged area to tell why they were alone, but it was eye cooling to see such big men become so tender, loving and soft when they hold their son/daughter.

In the gardens, there was a father of twin boys, jogging while pushing his children on a twin pram. Then in the mall, there's a father who's piggy backing his daughter and then stopped because she was afraid (probably she felt she was high up in the air, because the dad was tall). Then he brought her closer to him and tied her hair because her scrunchy was loosening. Another man, carrying a little pink flower pillow, pink picnic bag and a pink water bottle, waiting for the tram with his daughter. She wanted something to eat I think, he took out a Tupperware from the picnic bag and handed her a biscuit. She fed her father first and then took a bite.

Overwhelmed by all the love I saw lingering in the air, I settled in the park to read a book. Folded my bag into what seemed like a pillow, lied down and rested my head on it. Reading and reading. Not sure whether I did fall asleep because there was a stretch in time where I can't remember anything. I think I did, because I remember dreaming. This faint dream about a huge group, what seemed like family, barbecuing in the park. Amma, Neyshaa, Sheena and a few other people where there. Strangely, Manavaalan was there too. Haha. Dreams dreams. They take you to intriguing places.

The sun was shining right on my face.

The book I was reading. (Good read, seriously)

The sky, from the place I had the little nap.

The surrounding, from the top pf the hill.

The tree that was above my head.

Random shot. =D

I am taking the role of a mother for one day tomorrow. Ananthiy will be staying at home and I got to get some chores done. Prepare lunch and dinner for her. Baby food. Oh boy. It'll be fun. Prepare dinner for Chithy and Chitapa too. Fish and chips I am planning. with some fruit salad. Chef Whyte. Counselling, real estate, writer, photographer and now chef. HAHAHAHA. Am I amazing or what? <---- Ignore the last sentence. I think it's lack of sleep and fatigue taking toll on me.

I had a fair share of statues today. They seemed hollow and somehow alive inside. Like there's this miserable soul stuck in it, unable to free itself. Took quite a while to look at each and every one of them. There are shreds of the sculpture's life in it. They were hundred of years old, still looking alive.

It felt like a sin, referring to them as statues not knowing whether or not they are truly statues. I still believe that there is a soul, a source of life, even the slightest one in each and every one of them. Probably need a magic touch or a rub like Aladdin's lamp, to come to live. Or maybe they are just cursed to be like that for eternity. Possibilities are endless.

The photos below are the rest of them that I took. Enjoy and please, IF you'd want to use the photos, PLEASE inform me, or ask, so that if I find out, I don't lodge a complain and get you sued. I am not going to say no if you ask. But if you don't it's going to be a no. Harap maklum. =)

GN!

Can you spot the moon?

reminded me of the sparkling top we decorate Christmas trees with?

View of the city

That looked like a cut out from a Miami promotional poster.

Another garden.

Another view of the same city from a different angle

Back in the city. Lunchtime buzz.

Flinder's Station

Rusa Masuk Melbourne (Day 17)

2011-08-22T19:55:00.001+08:00

A day filled with sun shine. Pretty warm day too. I realize I have been using the word 'pretty' a lot ever since I met that guy on the tram. Hehehe. Stop, Vithiya. STOP. The temperature went up to 20 degrees and I set off early to the parks. So much for going to the parks, (as usual) the plan changed and I decided to go for a long long walk along the Yarra river. Seriously, VERY long walk. I walked and walked and walked, hoping that the damn river would come to an end. Unfortunately and fortunately, it did not. I started at 8.30am and at 11.30am, I was still walking. A very simple but beautiful place, that river.

On and off there were the river cruise boats that would pass by and the canoeing lessons that were going on. I did some stalking also. Hehehe. The canoeing guys make it look so effortless, the way the canoe. I just sat and watched them. I envied them. They were getting good exercise and here I was, eating my way through Melbourne. All along the walk, people cycled, jogged and some even were doing push ups. At one point, I got so fed up of myself. I took off my coat, my cardigan and stuffed them into the bag. Put my ear phones on and blasted the songs and started jogging. Since I had a good warm up (the long long walk) there wasn't any problem. I jogged longer than my average timing. Ahh, then I started feeling better. Sweat it all out.

The bunch of canoe guys whom I was stalking. =P (self proclaimed stalking)

There were men who were jogging and cycling, who would greet and say hello, some would smile, and there are also some who look down and never look up at you. Hehehe. I enjoyed my way through the track. There was a place where I spotted a chair, to do some stretching and walked up, put my bags down and turned towards the river. There was this guy sun bathing. I reminded myself NOT to stare. I mean how am I NOT to stare? They are so fine. And they. And they are health conscious. And they can cook. And the best part is they smile at you. This guy was reading and he was shirtless. It is normal there, but for me it was kind of awkward. He looked up and smiled and said g'day. I smiled, still trying my very best not to stare and said g'day too. I had to do my stretching there, no choice or else the more I jog the more I am prone to get muscle cramps. Quickly did the leg stretching, checked whether he's looking, did the back stretching.

He continued reading and I sat down to catch a breath. Gulped down some water. He asked me where am I from, I answered and I asked him what book his reading and he said Nora Roberts. :O A guy who reads Nora Roberts. Interesting eh? Hahaha. Had a little bonding session then I had to leave, though I would have loved to sit and chat with him more. Semangat berkobar-kobar nak jog ni. I left, continued jogging and there was this intersection where bicycles are cars and pedestrians would have to meet in order to cross the road. And I saw another. He was jogging, and he was shirtless. *wipes sweat off forehead* From a distance, he looked like Gerard Butler. I could not help but to stare. The longer I stared the more it was confirmed that it wasn't Gerard Butler. DUHH, of course it wasn't Gerry. -.-' Silly me. He pass me by, I smiled and he smiled.

Fuh, distractions after distractions. I keep imagining how crazy it would have been if my girlfriends would have been with me. Or maybe even Naren. =P Nevertheless, it was just admiring beauty and perfection. =D Nothing more, nothing less. Met up for lunch with Chithi and then booked the tour to GOR and Grampians. Can't wait! After lunch I was just worn out to walk more. Sat in Gloria Jeans, had mud cake and warm water, read a book and waited for Chithi to finish work. Came home, had a hot bath and here I am, with my droopy eyes. Enjoy the photos and GN!

Yarra River (part of it)

Oh that's me! Hehe.

Random guy with a red binee.

Where two paths become one. =D

It was just me. No one else.

Yea, that lump of shadow there IS me. =P

GN!

Rusa Masuk Melbourne (Day 16)

2011-08-21T20:34:00.000+08:00

Good news is this post will have a lot of photos. Well, not A LOT, but just enough. Let's see, today everything started slow also. Woke up, mandi-manda and then gave Ananthiy a bath and then had lunch together. Chitapa when off to play golf so it was only Chithi and I. And Ananthiy of course. We were suppose to go to Mt. Buller today, but since Chithi was not feeling well, the plan was cancelled and instead we took a slow ride along the country side. Gorgeous I tell you. TOTALLY gorgeous. The weather was very kind to us today. Went up to 19degrees. Was sooo good to feel the warmth again. At least I did not have to put on that heavy coat.

First we went to the Yea Yean Dam. Beautiful place. You'll know what I mean when you see the photos. There were families picnicking, playing football and walking their dogs. As I have said earlier, I like the lifestyle here. Sundays and family members and friends get together for an outing. No one is in the city, away from their family on the only day everyone is free and in fact most of the shops in city are closed. It's good, because it promotes more time to be spent with the families. Maybe not everyone practices this, but it's good to see at least there are people who take time to spend it well.

A sunny day!

I love how the sun peeks through the trees =D

At the dam

Part of the dam

Part of the dam without water =P

Left over structures of the old dam

The dam, FINALLY!

And I was also doing something really interesting while sight seeing today. *evil grin* YES! I was stalking. Well, not exactly stalking. Just admiring. Not the nature nor the dam. Admiring a group of men playing football. Hehehe. Interesting. VERY interesting actually.

*evil laugh* Hehehe, the one wearing all black played well. In fact he scored 2 of the 3 goals for his team.

Beautiful sky

The dam again

Sky sky sky

After that we drove up to some place I forgot it's name. Had some custard cake thingy (they have complicated names for simple food like cake). Then drove all the way back. Scenic view. There were so many spots where I simply could not believe my eyes. Valleys, hills, mountains. Breathtaking. Let me share some of the photos. =D

There you go. A few snaps from the millions I took. <--- Exaggeration again. Nevertheless, the places here are so beautiful. Just like what you read in the novels and watch in the movies. Only thing missing was Gerard Butler. When it comes to country side like this, Gerry fits the role better. But when it's the city with hyped up situations and buzz here and there, then Vin Diesel comes into the picture. =D My life's perfect with these two men. Thank you God. Thank you.

Tomorrow is going to be city day, so wait up for the posts! Weather is forecast-ed to be good tomorrow (hopefully). Pretty photos awaits. I can't wait to go out there and get clicking again!

GN!

Rusa Masuk Melbourne (Day 15)

2011-08-21T18:59:00.001+08:00

Really tiring, exhausting and busy day.

My day was the exact opposite. Hehe. I stayed at home, slept nicely until 11am then woke up, slowly had my bath, cleared the room, went outside to take a huge breath of fresh air and then prepared lunch and settled for a whole row of movies. Chitpa, Chithiy and Ananthiy were all out for the whole day (until 5-6) and I was home alone. Simply enjoyed movie after movie.

Then they came home and we went for a walk. Talking talking. You know, family bonding time. The weather was just very normal. Gives you the hope that it's going to be sunny for the whole day, nice and warm then suddenly it changes, cold, dark and cloudy. Been like that ever since I got here. It was little less this evening though. After walk, we mandi and then decided to have dinner in the city. ANND we went to one Malaysian restaurant ABC *(names have been changed to protect privacy) and the food SUCKED! Now you know why I wanted to protect privacy so much right.

Seriously, like Chitapa said, never try Malaysian food here, because they are all hopeless. Nothing like authentic Malaysian food. Somehow stuffed it all in my tummy, the food and then left home. Pretty simple day. And yea, no photos today. Hehe!

Rusa Masuk Melbourne (Day 14)

2011-08-20T23:09:00.000+08:00

Today was good! Woke up late and took my own sweet time with everything. Chithi and Chitapa were both busy, guess it was just me. The plan was to leave early to go somewhere but as usual, the morning chores kicked in and then delay delay delay, and it was already almost lunch time when we left. Stopped at an Italian restaurant to have lunch and then we moved. Moved where?

Right there!

At the foot of the mountain

Trees trees trees

More trees (and cars)

The sky deck

A random plant

Hand carved again

Uncle?

Eagle

I made a wish, but forgot shortly after that

The wishing tree

Hand carved owl

The sky deck bistro

Almost sunset

Pretty pretty

When we were already off the mountain

A sad statue or maybe a shy one. who knows

Just about to get dark

Another tiring day. Went for dinner at some Indian restaurant, got home and terus sleep. Thus, the delay in posting this. A very relaxing day. Just Chithi, Ananthiy and I. =) Good day, as I said. Even right now, as I am writing this, I am totally sleepy. -.-' Might just fall asleep on the keyboard. Will catch you tomorrow with today's and tomorrow's post. Hehe.

GN!

Flowery Flowers

2011-08-20T10:33:00.000+08:00

Before you start viewing, let me remind you that these flowers are NOT fake. They are real flowers planted and maintained at the Fitzroy Garden Conservatory. They were beautiful!

And finally, an overview of everything that there is in that conservatory.

Pretty huh? I took a few minutes, just sitting there and day dreaming. There was this smell, like a bitterly sweet scent of the flowers. I did not like it but the longer I stayed in there, they just vanished. God knows how many pollen are stuck in my lungs and how flowery my lungs are going to become. The next thing you know there's a flower tree growing from my throat.

Rusa Masuk Melbourne (Day 13)

2011-08-20T01:31:00.000+08:00

Okay, let's just say walking along the gardens with all the dried up tree on the very showery day took a tol on me. Made me think so much that every time Amma called and asked whether I was fine, I wanted to wail and say that I am not. Instead I just nodded and mellowed 'I am fine' every time she asked. Somehow she knew I wasn't feeling okay and that's why she called so often. Hmm. Mother's instinct they say. I walked. That's all I did. Walked and thought and just to blend in, I took photos. The only thing that is keeping me on track now I'd say. My camera and the gorgeous photos they produce.

Fred told me that travelling alone teaches you a lot about yourself. It was true. I learned that I can't read maps properly and I end up going on the totally opposite route the maps tell me to. I also learned that I am most likely to get more distracted if you place a gorgeous hunk in front of me compared to if you put a whole mountain of chocolate and ice cream. I also learned that lonesome could be the most beautiful thing you can experience as well as the most haunting one too. Every thought you run away from now, will come back, demanding for equal attention when you are with no one but yourself and hear nothing but the wind and the faint chirps.

As my gut was shivering in that chilly evening, I bit my teeth and forced myself to pour it all out. The pen I was holding faced the foolscap paper that was empty. I failed to write again. I wanted to ink down how much everything I see was as real as he said it would have been. I wanted to bring that blank sheet of paper back to live with all that he said. The picnics, getting lost, laughing at the each other's blunders, capturing random moments, him wanting to take a photo of me when the sun shines right on my face. I also wanted to write about how hopelessly romantic he was. Everything. I could not. Instead they all showed up in the photos. The photos that many would regard to as beautiful. I can see the hollowness in them. They are beautifully sad and hollow.

I miss him. Of all days, today I missed him a lot.

Treasury Gardens

I think he/she/it was hiding away

The fresh dew

Some building

Ducklings!

Path? The soil was very soft though

It looked like a tomato. I doubt it.

Just the dried up trees

Loved the lion

Just pretty plants

More dried trees

Cottage in Fitzroy Gardens.

I found this a little creepy

Who knew brown and light green would match beautifully?

Fairy tree, hand carved for all the children of Melbourne

That was about it. Dead tired. Both mentally and physically. Came home, had dinner and planning to crash early. Let's see what there for tomorrow.

GN!

Rusa Masuk Melbourne (Day 12)

2011-08-17T19:34:00.000+08:00

It was indeed a very good day today. Not weather wise, since it was raining and raining and raining and raining. -.-' Adding on to the coldness. It was a good day because I met another Taiping-nian all the way here in Melbourne. Hahaha. So, it's Chithi, Anne Akka, Anne Auntie and me. =D Err, yes Anne Akka and Anne Auntie are two very different people. It's just that their name is almost the same. We met in the morning and then Chithi joined us for lunch. 4 very different people who blended together so very well. (I personally think it's all the Taiping blood we have in us). Hehehe.

We were lunching at a Malaysian restaurant (the food wasn't good & it was sooo expensive). -.-' Lunch hour was long finished but we sat there talking and talking and laughing for hours! Chithi even over shot her lunch hours. Hahaha. It felt really good. The auntie was a walking joke box. Very nice lady. We really did have a good time. Hmm. =D Not many photos today too because of the rain. I was planning to visit all the gardens but the rain did not permit. But Chithi and I had a relaxing ride back home. She is not feeling well, coughing often. =S And I keep making her laugh. Yeah, have I mentioned that her laugh is extremely contagious? =D

The view after the rain was absolutely gorgeous. Sunset, sky clearing up and there was 3 rainbows! Yea, you read right. THREE rainbow. The first two were overlapping each other and the other one was a little far away and very light looking. I could not get a good shot of the rainbow though, but the sunset, I did get a lovely shot. (Excuse the photos because they were taken off a moving car.)

The sunset! =D

Pretty right? The clouds look so dense.

Little birdy nearer to the rainbow.

Before the sunset.

ANDDD the rainbow!

Came home and Chitapa made chicken salad. I hantam je. Sedap la. The chicken was so wet and moist. Oh wait, food blog got right. We'll continue there. It's only 9.30pm here now. I think I will retreat early because another tiring day tomorrow. Lots of walking. And taking pictures for you all! =D Hopefully it doesn't rain. =S

GN!

Rusa Masuk Melbourne (Day 11)

2011-08-16T20:21:00.001+08:00

Another home day! It was soooo sunny today. And guess what time I woke up? Hehe, picah record la brader. 1pm Aussie time. Hahahaha. That one also Chithi woke me up, wanting to go out shopping. Woke up mandi-manda and all, we went to a Vietnamese restaurant for lunch. Really good tomyam soup and another dish with a very long name that I can't remember. And real good Chinese tea. Err, I should not be talking about food here, there's a separate blog for that, so let's just save this for that blog alright. Then we went off to some shopping mall, just like Epping Plaza, but this was smaller. I tell you, the things here are so nice. And the clothes, if I go into one shop, for me to window shop an hour won't be enough I guess.

Time got also money none. Hehe. Well, money got but not to spend of stuffs like this. Looks like I will come back when I earn $10,000 per month. The dresses are all so nice. Especially the lace ones and the ones with the plugging neckline. And the house hold items, interior designing stuffs and their books. OMG, the books here are at dirt cheap prices and I wonder why back home it is so expensive. So silly. The prices are so expensive and they encourage the rakyats to read more. Just like the food too. All the unhealthy foods are cheap and the healthy ones are expensive and they keep going on and on about how heart disease is one of the major killer disease in Malaysia. Here salad and all the healthy stuffs are so cheap. Children are exposed with healthy eating early and I am not surprised why my 4 year old niece likes sultanas and I still don't like the sight of it.

Got home and went for swimming. Swimming in winter. Hehe. Thomastown Recreation and Aquatic Center. That's the children's play area below.

Came home had dinner, Chitapa made spagetthi and garlic bread. Hu hu. Sedap bangat. There aren't any photos today. No disappointments. Hehe. There will be many tomorrow. So yea, now I am going to retreat to this book I purchased a week ago. Good book. Reminds me of Jayden a lot. At least by all this means, I have him close by. Every time I sit and try to write about him, I can't. Guess it's for me to feel and endure. Silly to sometimes catch myself hoping to bump into him somewhere.

Gaaaah, here I go all remorseful again. Sorry. Stick around for tomorrow's post with tonnes of photos!

GN.

Rusa Masuk Melbourne (Day 10)

2011-08-16T00:48:00.001+08:00

Looks like we did celebrate Chitapa's birthday after all. Hahaha. Ananthiy bugged Chitty for another cake with candles and everything an official birthday celebration would have, and she got it. Chithi and Ananthiy came home whispering away and the moment Ananthiy saw me, she ran to me and grabbed my legs and told me that there's a cake for Appa and I should not say a word. Hehehe, little kids. Exciting to see how she get's all pumped up about little things. And so Chitapa came back and we surprised him with the cake and stuffs. He is not much of a man who likes attention. Pretty low and humble. It's nice to see him happy and to see the whole family happy. =)

Photo time!

Superly awesome mud cake Chithy bought

Oh well, I guess that's all the photos for today. There are many family portraits though, but as usual, I don't publish family photos. In case you want to add on to the photos collection for today, I suppose I can dig up a few photos. Let's see. Hmmm.

Oh yeah! I watched Dear John today, after wanting to watch it for such a long time. Oh boy, Channing Tatum. Oh and did I mention that I watched the movie on repeat twice? =P

Come on! Who would not want to watch that face twice?!

That part when he sneaks up behind Amanda Seyfried by the beach. *sigh* More likely to be in every girl's fantasy. Especially with a guy like that. But as they all say, it only happens in the movies. Not reality. I still think I can find a guy who can make it a reality. I am so sure I can hear Amma yelling at me to stop dreaming.

Snuggle snuggle. =D

But UNFORTUNATELY, there's always be a heartbreak in every fantasy. Ready?

NOPE, that is not a movie still people (how I wish it was). And YEAP, he's married. Blaghs. There goes another one. Oh well, I will just stick to my true love(s). =P

ANDDD AS ALWAYS

GN!

Rusa Masuk Melbourne (Day 9)

2011-08-14T22:40:00.001+08:00

Okay! Happy Birthday Chitapa!

We did not have cakes and balloons, instead we dined in a really good dim sum restaurant. My first time eating dim sum. To be honest, I did not favor it that much. More like had fun trying it and that's it. I am and will always be the rice, curry and Indian food kind of girl. Hehe. After that we went to some random cake shop to buy a cake for him but ended up sitting in and having one slice of cake each. I, as usual went for the cheesecake and it was absolutely mesmerizing. Peuh! Plus, it had raspberry filling in it and for those who know me well enough, I hate cakes or biscuits or any form of pastries with berries mixed in it. But this was something else.

Yea at first it was a little difficult, but when Chitapa told me to forget that it's actually berries and just enjoy the cheese, the berries started tasting awesome. Hehe. Woohoo! Good food keeps you in good mood, not necessarily in good shape. :P After that a normal drive in Chitapa's new car (yea, he got a new car for his birthday) along with a stop in a garden in one of the suburbs. Actually we got lost and ended up in this suburbs which coincidentally had a beautiful garden, so we ambil kesempatan lah. Haha! After that, straight home and started preparing dinner. Chithi made prawn briyani. *drools* While waiting for dinner, I fed Ananthiy her dinner. Then we all had our dinner and Chithi went off to have her bath, Chitapa was reading and I read Ananthiy 'Beauty and The Beast' story. After that put her to sleep and here I am.

Tiba-tiba terasa want to watch Beauty and the Beast lah. I used to have a crush on the Beast for being so protective over Bella. Hahahaha! Silly me. Anyway, picture time!

Nearby the little suburb we stopped to have cakes

Just thought the colors blended perfectly

Another random shot

The garden we stopped at

Love how the sun peeks out through the tree branches

Something about walkways that are very photogenic

Pretty ain't it?

Birds again! =D

I am still awake after the whole day, meaning it's not as tiring for a day. Might be hitting the sack soon. Home day tomorrow.

GN!

Rusa Masuk Melbourne (Day 8)

2011-08-14T18:16:00.000+08:00

13/8/2011
5.10pm

Today was also a relaxing day. Lunch as usual, then talk talk talk, then Chithy, Ananthiy and I were off to a cultural dance show. I wasn't actually expecting anything when we left, just thought I will watch a normal show and get home. I was so totally wrong. The show was from 7pm to 11pm. 4hours of pure entertainment. I see them dance I want to dance along. It was free seating and we got the top most seat, with a middle view. Really good view for me until a tall, big, bald guy sat in the same lining of seats just two rows after ours. -.-' Grggghh! All I could see was a round thing's shadow moving left and right enjoying the music time to time.

I had to lean left and right to watch and by the time they had an intermission, I was already having a headache. And I don't get headaches during cultural musical shows because I really enjoy live instrumental musics. Thanks to Mister I Don't Know Who in front of me, I not only had to watch the show with my neck going up and down left and right like a bangau. Pfft. THANKFULLY, after the intermission he moved elsewhere (maybe he could hear me grumbling) and I had a perfect view again. Best part was all the good performances were after the intermission. THe instrumental musics were so bloody good that I closed my eyes and almost dozed off. People are so gifted with such talents and it's not something that everyone gets. Deep down, I envied them.

Reached home only at almost 1. It's Chithapa's birthday already. But I forgot to wish him. Hehe, not forgot lah, he went to bed already. So tomorrow morning je lah. Plus, we'll be going out for lunch for his birthday. Good food day tomorrow I suppose.

GN!

Rusa Masuk Melbourne (Day 7)

2011-08-14T00:35:00.000+08:00

11.15pm
12/8/2011

Today was totally awesome. Like literally. Seriously. Very very awesome. Super awesome. I have got very limited words to explain how I feel but I think even the limited words aren't the exact ones to tell you how I felt. There was overwhelmed along with happy, satisfied, totally speechless and sad. Let's just leave the sad part alone. But all the others, damn, awesome day. Let the photos speak for itself's first and then I will write, if it's necessary. Haha.

Oh, before that, just a brief explanation. We went to Philip Island to see the penguins and on the way we saw many interesting things with mind blasting beauty. The first stop was Amaze n' Things. It's like a fun park and I could not take much photos because I was too busy having fun! :P

A floating pipe, with real water flowing out

THAT'S me. Surprised? =P

Next are the photos taken on the way to the seal watching place! The scenery were breath taking, I might have said that earlier but I want to make sure I have said it enough so that it's stuck in your head. It's just like in the movies, miles and miles of sky and fields and cows and greenery. You would feel like you want to lie down and just watch the sky or just get mildly toasted in the rays of the sun. Beautiful. I wanted to stop more and admire the place but having a four year old along the journey is not easy.

And there were we in The Noobies Centre, to watch the seals. Well, there weren't any seals (we could not see them) but the view beats any other seal on earth. Breath taking. It's like you'd want to sit and watch the sea for hours or just hold hands and walk along the platform until sunset. Again, with a four year old, it's a little impossible. I told myself that the next time, I will be back, with a company. A person who'll take random shots of me, speak nonsense as we look over the sea and also warm my palms when they get chilly. Fairytale-ish? Haha, get to this place and you won't realize you yourself starting to sound like a fairytale-ish person. *wink*

Just as we got there

The walking platforms

The view. Well, part of it.

At the end of the walking path

A cave formed by the waves. 12 meters deep

Earlier in the afternoon

Sunset

I also made a few new friends along the way. My apologies for forgetting their names, but at least I have the photos. =D

My friends. Pretty fair right? Hehehe, well, like they say, skin color doesn't matter. Next was the beach, we went to at night. It was full moon and damn, it was so bloody pretty. The rays of the moonlight reflected itself on the water and clear bright sky. It had it's pros and cons. The pro was the moon was clearly visible and it was absolutely beautiful. The kind of beach in a romance novel where the hero and the heroin would make love on. -.-' Obnoxious example? The best I could come up with. And the con was it was freezing cold. VERY cold. I did not bring extra scarf and it took Ananthiy's spare pants being wrapped around my neck to keep me warm. Nevertheless, the photos were very cantik.

A very good day indeed. Drove home in the freezing weather, got home and all exhausted to the maximum. Came home and kaboom on the bed, THE END.

Rusa Masuk Melbourne (Day 6)

2011-08-12T20:26:00.001+08:00

11/8/2011
3.16pm

I am home. Home alone. Woke up pretty late, about 10.30am, freshened up, made breakfast, when out and got the ray of sun nicely on my face. So warm and nice. A very sunny day today. Breezy and warm. Chilly too. The plants are all budding already, looks like springs peeking in the corner. Did all the dishes and watched tv. Not long after that I settled for my book in the garden with a hot cup of milo. Ahh, heaven for reading and writing this place is. Chithy asked to cut carrot for dinner later, did that too and then just relaxing.

Guess when Chithy comes back we will be going to Epping Plaza for a little late night shopping. And tomorrow she's not working and Ananthiy has no kinder, looks like it's going to be a day out. Woohoo! More exploring. I will get a lot of pictures alright? We all cuci mata with all the pretty landscapes and people here. It's already getting dark here. Chithy and Chitapa may be back anytime soon. I better get ready to go out. And I guess that is all for today. Look out for tomorrow's post because tomorrow would be an packed day!

Sunny dayy! =D

Rusa Masuk Melbourne (Day 5)

2011-08-11T20:24:00.002+08:00

10/8/2011
8.29pm

Todaaay waaas aaaweessoommellyy tirrriing. Blaghss! Peuh! Got lost walked all over, spoke with random peopple, made new friends. Oh yea, the making new friend story is kind of interesting, compared to all the other things I did today because everything else is basically all about walking and seeing beautiful things. I might as well show you the photos because it would be easier than trying to explain everything.

Coming back to the making a new friend story, hehehe, it is a very funny story to think about it now. Hehe. I was in the tram and looking around. See, the tram has a four seater, both facing each other. Like in a restaurant right? Two sofa for two facing each other just minus the table. I was sitting on one side and many people sat and left in the seat beside and in front mine. I was a little more concentrated on the outside compared to the people. Then came along a man who sat opposite me. I tried not to look just by concentrating more on the scenery outside and somehow forgot about him.

As the tram driver was explaining about the places on the left he moved to the Women's Centre on the right, and I had to turn to the right to look at the building. Just as I was turning, I got a glimpse of this man who was sitting in front of me and I kinda got stuck. Literally stuck on him. On his eyes to be more specific. Such beautiful olive green eyes, just to add to the overall gorgeousness. I didn't realize I was literally staring at him until he smiled at me. Then I felt like a hammer fell on my head and embarrassment was at it's maximum. "Good day," he said. I took a few seconds to process what he told me then after realizing, immediately I replied with a good day too. Quickly after that I looked out of the window, feeling awkward and embarrassed that he caught me looking at him. We did not talk after that I was super glad for it.

The next station was approaching and I guess it was his stop as he stood up adjusting his coat. I felt a little relieved because I wouldn't have to bare with the embarrassment anymore. Just as the tram was about to stop he waved his hands in front of my face, instantly catching my attention. I looked at him, wondering what on earth is he going to tell me. I don't know why, but I felt scared. "You've got very pretty eyes there." Again, it took me a few moments and then I understood what he said. I could not help myself from laughing. HE said that I had pretty eyes. The one with the olive green eyes said that the one with the boring dark brown eyes has pretty eyes. There wasn't enough time for me to say anything in return but just as the tram stopped he smiled at me and got off. Yes I was flattered, in daze, blushing and everything else a person's suppose to feel when complimented like that.

He just drowned in the crowd and I did not look for him. The tram started moving and I had a smile stuck on my face all day long. Heehee. My guess judging the accent that he's Hispanic. One hellava Hispanic though. *Peuh* I still wish to bump into him again. You know, the fairytale-ish part of me. Hehe. Pretty exciting for a guy who was pretty good looking to say with his pretty voice that I have pretty eyes. First time someone has ever said that to me. Let alone whether or not he meant it, he did take the effort to say it. *wink wink* So that was my new friend with no name. Well, he definitely had a name, we just did not exchange information. Which is just the way I like to keep it. Mysterious and exciting.

Anyywayy, I visited many gardens today. Very very nice. And the museum too. Picture time!

The Parliment's big big door

Princess Theater

The autumn leaves waiting for spring

Winter trees (imagine how good they'll look in spring)

Lucky couple. :) Wanted to carve my name there, but then buat cacat je.

Look! My new buddy, Cookie the crow!

That's another bird emo-ing.

Rows and rows of trees all dried up

Picture says it all

Along these trees is where I sat, and felt sad. Hmm, wonder why

Autumn leaves! :) Pretty color!

I like the miserable looking men holding the fountain. Hehe.

Rusa Masuk Melbourne (Day 4)

2011-08-11T15:38:00.005+08:00

9/8/2011
7.35pm

Home days! Did not go out anywhere today. Pretty worn out already. Haha, and it's only the first week. Lookng forward for the coming weeks. Chithi worked from home today too. So it was both of us at home. Talking talking. Makan makan at home and then cooked dinner. We had Maggie for lunch. And here they pronounce Maggie as mea-G. Pretty weird, when I heard it in the advertisement. What was for dinner? Hmm. Indian food. Chithy tried out a new recipe for Spicy Chicken Peratal. Not bad. Very spicy and nice. Unfortunately Chitapa doesn't take spicy food and the rasam I made was also spicy. He did not complain throughout the meal and enjoyed the food. In the end, he hinted that the food was a little too spicy for him and Chitthy and I gave each other the uh-oh look. Hehe.

After that it was Ananthiy's play time and we were making cookies and fishes and cakes out of play doh. Hehe. Below are part of out successful artwork.

Lolipop by me

Nemo by Ananthiy

Cake by Ananthiy

Oh, and by the way, Ananthiy is my 4year old niece. =D After all that play time, Chithy put Ananthiy to bed and here I am writing and listening to songs and thinking. Guess it won't take me long to fall asleep.

Rusa Masuk Melbourne (Day 3)

2011-08-11T15:00:00.001+08:00

8/8/2011
7.39pm

It wasn't a hectic day as I thought it would be. I can write prettier in gloves already. Hehe. Chitty and I left early today. And the air was literally fresh. FRESH! Gawd. Cold as usual. I followed to Chitthi's office first to have some hot tea and we got a look at the map while her colleagues got a look at me, wondering who's this new girl in the office. Hehe. There were 2 of her colleagues who looked good. Well, a few lah. Damn, I often catch myself concentrating so much on guys. Aduh. But you can't blame me you see. Most of them are so good looking that you would not want to get your eyes off them. No harm in appreciating God's creation eh?

After Chithy showed me around, I was on my own. To wander and walk around. Pretty fun you know? Following the map and bumping into people and then they smile at your clumsiness and ask whether you are fine. Shy away and continue walking. I loved the whole exploring I did. I got lost once or twice. Just did not have the privilege to laugh at myself like I always do. There were many moments that I wanted to do so, but I could not. Don't want people to think that there is a lunatic on the lose. Met up with Chithy for lunch and we went to Federation Sq to the information center to collect a whole bunch of brochures and then off for lunch. Had pasta with pumpkin filling topped with butter sauce, lamb cutlet and fried prawn with dipping.

I actually tak sempat take photos of all the other food because Chithy and I sapu habis. Totally forgot of the idea of taking photos. Hehe. Gelojoh giler. Not Chithy but me. After lunch, Chithy went back to work and I was back on the streets roaming. I prefer the term exploring. Hehe. Was able to capture a few gorgeous photos. Not many because I was too busy in concentrating on how to cross roads and whether I missed the street and so many other things. Grghh! Anyways, here are the few pretty photos.

There you go. Pretty place to walk around. Came home and had chicken salad for dinner. Another mind blasting meal. Dang, at the rate I am going, I am definitely coming back chubbier. Hehe. After dinner was just pure tiredness. Like if I lie down on the bed, I am a goner already. Pushing myself to finish this and then SLEEP! And the craziest part is, I am still hoping to bump into my Mr. Special Someone. Bourke St maybe. Or maybe not even close. Finland? America? Rome? New York? Bali? Or maybe Malaysia? Hahaha. We never know. Keep chances open and enjoy the ride!

GN.

Rusa Masuk Melbourne (Day 2)

2011-08-10T18:44:00.000+08:00

4.45pm
7/8/2011

It's so bloody cold and I did not have enough sleep. It's so cold and you wish that one extra jacket would keep you warm but just as you put them on, they'll be equally cold. -.-' Fingertips may just fall off due to frost bites. And the tip of my nose, I think they are about to freeze. Honestly, I thought I would enjoy the cold weather but right now, I kinda appreciate the sun. Everyone wakes up early here and I am so not used to it.

It's all so different here. Their environment, people, houses and lifestyle. This is definitely an environment I would like my children to grow in. The early childhood education here is so fun. Nothing like what's back there. Children here and let to grow according to what they are good at. The teachers do not try to synchronize the whole class into what the syllabus tell him/her to. Though they get exposed really fast, I think with the teachings in school and religious teachings at home, they will do just fine. Solid foundation.

Went to Lake Nagambie today and it was raining. Adding to the coldness. One hour drive along farms, vineyards and miles and miles of green fields. Beautiful. Just like the movies you know. :) AND, the guys here are also like the ones in the movies. Hunks, pretty body, utterly sexy accent. What? You are asking whether they are hairy or not? Not all, but just enough. Hehe. You know how when a Caucasian person comes to our country and we look at them longer than we look at the other? I mean we like to examine them visually right? Here, they stare at us. Hehe. But they do not hesitate to smile. Pleasant. Sometimes they greet you. Most of the time they smile.

Chitapa made American breakfast today. Bread, mushrooms, tomatos and scrambled eggs. Awesomely sedap. It looks very simple but tasted so good. Oh yea, I have a photo for that too. Hehe.

We also went into this housewares store called "The Good Guys" Store. I was so hoping that the shop had guys for sale. Hahahaha. You know good guys. I could really use some company. I don't really like being in a new place alone. Moreover, I will be exploring the city tomorrow. It would be nice to have someone to get lost with, laugh with and just move about with compared to walking alone. But Amma said lonesome is something nice, something I should appreciate while I have it. I guess she was just trying to say that it is okay to be pathetically alone. Hehe.

I totally fell in love with the homes, living compound and environment. We'll see. After all, this is only the first country (besides Thailand) I am visit. A lot more to see. Will not limit myself to all this. There still is more. And I will explore and see. Knowing me, no matter how much I ramble about not having company, I know, I work and live better alone.

And the journey continues.

*wink*

Rusa Masuk Melbourne (Day 1)

2011-08-10T12:15:00.000+08:00

8.34pm
6/8/2011

Safe and sound in Aussie. I was greeted and received by Australian hunks with an accent that I could not understand but somehow found sexy. Haha!And just for the record, if you were wondering whether I managed to sleep after writing the previous post, well, I didn't. -.- For a while but not enough at all. Tsk tsk. Headache. But it all paid off because I got to see the most beautiful sunrise EVER! I tell you, God's creations are so bloody pretty! Wait, I have got a photo for you. Let's share the prettiness!

Beautiful right? *in daze* Totally awesome.

Chithy was awaiting me in the airport, along with hunks who helped me with my luggage. *blushes* Got home freshened up and then chat around with chithy as she cooked, then unpacked and cleared stuffs lah. Chithi made fish briyani. OMG, sedap giler. Did not have the time to take a photo of it because I was starving. Baham terus. Hahaha! Chitapa drove us around Epping and showed me the place. More like a country side. Semi country side. Nice man, humble, very knowledgeable, patient and the best part of him is that he genuinely listens to you without trying to prove his point. Just the right man for a person like Chithi. :)

Almost 7pm here, I was already tired. Like eyes drooping kind of tired. -.-' Could not take it anymore already. We were suppose to go out for dinner but I fell asleep and Chitapa went off to buy pizza for dinner. Then Chithi woke me up and we all had pizza (not my favorite but it tasted good). Only my first day and I was stuffed. Still very tired. Long day tomorrow exploring the city thus I better get to sleep.

Darn, it's so bloody cold. -.-'

GN.

Rusa Masuk Melbourne (Introduction)

2011-08-10T10:24:00.000+08:00

3.21am
6/8/2011

Ok, my nose is totally blocked and I am currently perspiring through my mouth and tit sucks and it's freezing, and I can't sleep And I boarded the plane at 11pm. Grrggh. Alright, that's all the bad part. Take off was awesome. I could not stop chanting the Gayathri Mantra and most probably mispronounced a few verses because I was too nervous. OHHH, maybe my nose being blocked right now and me not being able to sleep is God's punishment. Haha, well. Just being silly. Back to the story. I am sitting alone. All the better, window seat and no one suffocating me, because honestly, the seats are all a little cramped up.

There's a baby crying ever since we took off. Pity the baby, at least here I am writing my ramblings and I have people to listen to me (readers like you) hehe. But the baby can't even talk, let alone write. Ate hot maggie and took 2 panadols. Headache too. -.-* OH YEAAA! You know what? We were high high up in the sky and the stars were all like sooo close to us and I saw 2 shooting stars. Yeah, TWO! Both at different events of course. Beautiful! There are people who can never get to see shooting stars their whole life and so far I have seen 4! Ehem. Ok, I should stop getting excited. But they were really pretty! *excited*

Trying to catch some sleep before I arrive, I closed my eyes. TRYING to sleep. BUT, my brain was so active that I could not sleep. Arrghh! Now also as I am writing right, damn sleepy but I can bet on this RM 3 mineral water bottle, when I close my eyes trying to sleep, I sure can't sleep one. Eyes burning pulak. It should be 5.30am in Aussie now. I can't wait for sunrise. Can't stand looking out of the window into some dark universe. The weather was kinda bad just now. Bumpy ride. Now much better. Thank God. My back is also aching already due to the seats. Thank God. <--- sarcasm. Funny thing is I am already missing my room. Hahaha. I still have another 5 weeks to go and my room is already calling me.

Okay, that's it. I really need to sleep. Got to at least try to sleep. Adequate rest before I reach. Arghh. Please sleep. PLEASE! COME.

Things A Rainy Night Can Do To You

2011-08-03T23:34:00.001+08:00

It's raining. Well, it's been raining for the whole day. Chilly night. Just finished packing my bags, measured the hand luggage, got the camera battery charged and the whole list of things Amma asked me to do. It's like in another 2 days and I am not excited. I mean, naturally, if you are going to fly off somewhere you would be excited right? I was at first. About finding niche and all that. But now, there's nothing much. Hmm. I wonder why. Like there's this numb feelings. Maybe it's the weather. Or the medicines.

I sat on the edge of my bed, staring at my luggage and thinking about nothing. It's just one of the days. You know the days where you go into emo mode and don't even know what the heck you are emo-ing about? Yea, precisely those kind off days. All those stories about apocalypse and plane crashes aren't making me feel any better. Come on, I am going to travel like hundreds of miles away from home for the first time and then I keep bumping into articles and people who talk about it. Yea yea, the whole optimistic thing where don't think anything negative, everything will be fine, bla bla bla talk. DOESN'T HELP.

Hmm. I guess I am just nervous about travelling alone.

Morbidity = My Version Of Stupidity

2011-07-30T00:46:00.000+08:00

You know once in a while I get morbid, and it sucks. -.-' The only freaking thing I can't handle. Been a while since I last got morbid, but today, didn't help much. Sometimes I wonder, whether it would be easier for doctors. Since they see sick and dying people almost everyday. Maybe they are fine. Maybe it's just us, the normal people who are hidden away from this terrible and scary thing everyone wants to avoid ----> death. Funny thing is, we would naturally not want to do anything that is terrible or scary but this we have no choice. Eventually one day we will all walk through that path.

This whole issue got me thinking. There are so many who die young, it's just that we are not aware of it, unless it's someone close to us and that does not happen often (hopefully). Just because it is happening to everyone else doesn't mean it will not happen to us. What if it does? Will you have any regrets? Will you be happy with the life you have lived so far? What if you are not? Are you going to let guilt sink into you during your moments? After all at that time there's nothing much you can do already. In The Band Perry's song, If I Die Young, she sings it so well, how she wants to be let go off if she dies early.

Of course it is just a freaking song, doesn't compare to real life. Most probably she doesn't want to die early too. I mean who would want to?! -.-' Sheesh. As I said, death should not scare him who is facing it. It should scare the hell out of his/her loved ones. I don't know what I crapped here. Just one of the days where I write until I sleep off and then wake up again to the normal me. All those questions just now, what if you die early? Will you have any regrets? And all the other questions that follows, did you get the answer? An honest answer. Did you? I didn't. All I can answer is "I don't know."

Guess you can never know until it's really you next in line.

MORAL OF THE WHOLE MORBID DAY: Do every single thing you wish to do. Nothing that kills you, but makes you satisfied. Don't let anyone or anything stop you because once it's your time to go, you are the one going. No one else and nothing else. Don't keep an eff about what people what to say. They're going to talk anyway. Just be you. :)

A Midnight Scribbler

2011-07-21T03:01:00.000+08:00

Honestly speaking, though I am eff-ing nervous about travelling abroad alone, I actually can't wait to leave. Maybe a little bit of enthusiasm for the experience of going on a plane for the first time, experiencing winter and meeting new people. Mostly, I am so thirsty for this whole trip is because I am hoping that some place there, my soul searching times ends. Just a place where I can sit and feel truly belonged. Not that home does not make me feel belonged. You are suppose to feel belonged in your home, because that is your home! You have been brought up, and practiced that way. Impossible for you not to feel like you belong at home.

The sort of belonging I am speaking about is the belonging of the soul. That one place where none of you relatives are nearby, your friends are not there, things that define you as the person you are isn't there. It's just you. A place where you can be whoever you want to be because no one truly knows you except for yourself. A place where no one will judge you for what you did or did not do in the past. A place where you don't have expectations burdening your shoulders. I read an old scripture by a rishi once and he said that, "You belong with your parents but that is not where your soul belongs. Just as it is cruel to tie away the child from his parents, it is cruel to tie away the soul from it's yearnings. Listen close enough and it will tell you. Walk, run or crawl until you find it. It's not heaven nor it is hell. It is right here on earth."

Everything that I am doing now from where I am, all these people whom I know, it is all just not it. Yea it gives me a purpose to live. It gives me as Vithiya a life. But deep inside I know this is just not it. I am yet to find a purpose to my life, yet to see what I can do, yet to overcome my emotions and live life. Simply live life. Not like Tom, Dick and Harry on the streets. But a life that will not leave me on my death bed begging for a few more days to live. All this people whom I know, they are my teachers. They taught me that I have emotions, that I can think and that I am just like them. That is not what I want. Study, be a graduate, work, by the time I am financially secured, get a house, car and get married, have tonnes of kids and spend the rest of my life paying debts, working and just doing all the regulars.

Even if I don't find my place there, I will want to travel more places alone, continue writing like this, telling people (whether they find it sensible or not) and see where the wind takes me. There's another part of me, that wants to live life just like how everyone's living it. Study, work, marriage, husband, work, kids. I have my days when the one part of me will be stronger than the other, and other days where I just want to be a woman by myself. Before, I was a little confused on which road to take. But thankfully, my writings are guiding me to make decisions. I know what I want. And this trip will be the first step I am going to take. And don't worry, I am not going to be a monk sitting high up the Himalayas nor would I be just another family woman.

Let's see where the wind takes me.

I Know What You Did Last Deepavali

2011-07-16T14:57:00.001+08:00

Yesterday Amma and I were talking about numerology. The normal how to read a person topic which has been helping me a lot in getting to know people before they decide to show themselves, or better said, before it is too late. It's a little creepy that part of you is very obvious just by calculating your birth date and getting to know your time of birth. And it is even creepier that Amma knows how I work, think and move along with people. Those things are suppose to be confidential, and being my mother, of course she knows my birth date and along with all that she knows almost everything about me. Well, ALMOST.

But there again, numerology cannot sum everything up about you. Though it can be accurate over most of the details, it can NEVER define you a 100%. And you know why?

Life experiences and pain changes people. It alters their core values and makes them into a new person. It can change your characteristics but it can't change your birth date. So, you are kinda stuck with the same birth date and the same descriptions but your attitude and how you perceive things might change. We learn everyday. Every single minute we live are moments worth of experiences. And every person we meet in our live are brought into it just to teach us something. Thus, it is out of someone's mind to say that a person will stay the same with the same mentality and the same attitude from the day they were born until the day they die.

Yea, you might have a handful of values that will never change, but you as a whole person will change. I can't summarize about the others since I am not a gypsy lady but I can sure say it for myself. When I first knew about numerology and started experimenting with it, the whole truth about me was out. What am I vulnerable to, what is not good for me and what makes me, me. You know it's so not good for those kind of information to be listed out in a book where everyone can read it and figure out about you. -.-' But as I grew, my values changed, I changed as a person and now, what the book says about me is only 70% true. And the rest 30%, is only me who knows. THANK GOD it is not written in any other book. =P

Numerology is interesting. Try dwelling in it once in a while.

Why Can't We Live Forever?

2011-07-16T01:38:00.000+08:00

Do you want to live forever? I know whether you say yes or no it is impossible to live forever, I just could not find a better way to start the passage. Kinda lame, but who cares. Ergh. Silly introduction. Actually this article is not about how to live forever or what to do to live forever. Even I don't know what this article is going to be about, so you continue reading while I continue typing until I find something I can write about and something you will enjoy reading.

*thinking*

You know, I have thought about this every time I get a chance to think. Literally. Why is it wrong to expect? Yea yea, quotes tell you expectations leads to disappointment and come on, even I have written an article about expectations being a great huge hope crusher. But why is it wrong to expect? If you are going to put it in this word ----> expecting, then it may sound a little not nice, since it is planted in all our heads that it is not good to expect. Let's try putting it in different words. Hoping? Wishing? Wanting? And come on, there aren't any normal human beings who do not hope, wish or want something. Somehow, expecting comes back to these 3 words.

They say the universe gives back everything that you have wished for so wish for everything good and that's what you shall receive. What is that? Not expecting? It is. You may want to find a different definition for the word and try putting in a different way, but end of the day, we all do expect. As much as it is said to bring disappointment, we still expect. And it is not that bad after all you know? We keep concentrating on the fact that we will be disappointed if we do not get what we expect to get, but we forget about how we might feel when we actually do get what we expect.

There is nothing wrong in wanting something. We are all mere humans and thus we are born with an instinct called desire. But knowing how to control that desire makes us different from one another. We all have different levels of control and unless you are some superhuman born with absolute control over your mind, we do have our liking and wanting. And for God's sake, IT IS NOT WRONG. The moment I tell someone that I am expecting something, they go all counselor mode telling me that I should not be expecting because I will be gravely hurt if it did not happen. DUDE, aren't you the same guys who preach about being positive?

Sometime I wish I can tell it right on their faces. Well, not sometimes but ALL the freaking time. Too many saints and monks want to be out there. It's okay if you want to preach just get the preaching right ler, dear preachers. *Sigh* Conclusion, it's not wring in wanting or expecting something to happen. If it is for good, then it is good. Go ahead expecting, you know what's best for you and you definitely know what you deserve. Don't let anyone else tell you what you need or what you should get.

The life is yours, and with maturity and everything good bestowed upon you, you know how to live it.

I can't really think of a title -.-'

2011-07-15T21:23:00.001+08:00

I am home. After almost 2 long months of not coming back home, I am now finally home. Where my everything belongs. I wanted to fall on the ground and kiss the porch since I was so overwhelmed, but I reminded myself that being overwhelmed is okay, it just should not lead to stupidity. Or at least, stupidity alone. Came home and the first thing I did was to barge into my parents' room and give Amma my silly idiotic smile and then jump on the bed and woke my sister up.

The moment she opened her eyes and saw me, she caught me by my neck and hugged me, causing me to fall on her. Despite the heavy me over the light fragile her, she continued hugging me for quite a while before letting go. :) Where else can I get that sort of love? After that it was simply stories after stories, talking and laughing with Amma would laughed so much that she needed her inhaler. Hehe, I love doing that to her. Well, not making her cough till she needs her inhaler but making her laugh and see her happy. Occasionally Neyshaa will poke into the conversation and say a few words and then just sit back and listen.

It came up to a point that Amma chased me out of the room because I was talking too much, not letting Neyshaa to sleep since she had school the next day. Came out wishing them good night, I went over to disturb Appa. He was all occupied with his office work so I did not want to push my luck too much. Hehe. Though I can be very VERY irritating at times. Did not want to disturb my brother too much, since you know he is growing up and his hormones are raging and we just don't know when he is in a good mood and when not to disturb him.

Took my shower, and retreated to my room. My room. :) Just saying it makes me feel so good. The aircond was on and I was fresh out of shower with my hair dripping wet and I just dropped on the bed. (If Amma knew I did that, she would KILL ME. So do not tell her.) Staring at the ceiling and wondering how I am going to survive elsewhere. Hostel, university, abroad, work, marriage, own house, children, husband, work again. I felt like I just want to continue staying here. Not growing up, not wanting to have any other commitment. Nothing but my family and that's it. It's absurd. I can't be like that. I just wished to be like that.

I kind off went off to dreamland with my towel on and my wet hair and by the time I realized I should be changing, my was half freezing already and my playlist was bugging me to click on replay. 108songs finished? *gasps* I quickly changed into warmer clothes and changed the wet cover of the pillow, dried my hair, and slammed myself back on bed. Continued thinking. Analyzing. Wondering. Planning. Hoping. I am so far away from where I thought I would be. Not that I am complaining. I am happy, but the flow of life brought me to such a different place. And to come back to where it all started, I am glad.

Now I just wish, I can continue laying here, without going anywhere else.

Done and Over With You!

2011-07-15T17:35:00.001+08:00

The moment I finished my last paper, that was exactly how I felt. Three long years. Damn. Just a little too long for me. I had to get out and though I totally flunked the chances of getting an A in my last paper, I was glad that I am done and over with the whole diploma studies. Done being in that same building, doing the same thing I have been doing for the pass 3 whole years. It was like a big big extra large sigh of relieve.

Though there are people whom I love left there, I still am very glad I will be leaving that place. It won't be the last they will see me since we are well connected. Definitely we would not need the college to keep us together. The last few weeks of being there really picked on each and every one of my nerves. One by one, things started screwing itself up, -.-' as ridiculous it sounds. And I was so afraid that important issues might go wrong in resulting me spending another year there.

THANKFULLY, none of those happened. And soon enough, I will not have no beat myself up about waking up and undergoing the same schedule again. As much as I want to get out, I will miss it once I am out. Unlike school, college was a place where I grew so much. It was a place where I felt my best and also a place where I felt totally like a useless nut. I found people whom I never knew I would like, people whom I thought I would be best friends with for the rest of my life, people who made me smile every morning, people were there for me when I needed a helping hand.

In short, college taught me that even strangers will come for help when you are in need. You may be born into the world alone, and also may die alone, but all the while you are here, you are well equipped with people whom will protect, love and care for you. And the best part of all this will be, those people will be people whom once you regarded to as strangers.

God works in mysterious yet miraculous ways.

p.s: I am still glad I am getting out of that place. Hehe.

The Ticking Mother Clock

2011-06-26T02:28:00.000+08:00

It's probably my raging hormones. Or maybe it's just all the parenting book I have been reading. Could even be all the baby sitting I have been doing. One thing's for sure, I want to be a mother. Want to be married or not second question. But I want to be a mother. =) A friend and I were talking this morning + afternoon and he gave an equation that I will remember for quite a while. World = Children. It's true. They are the world. Well, I probably am not too far from a child anyway, a self-proclaimed adult, but babies teach their parents so much that parents grow into a different, much better person.

A family, an institute that comprises a father, mother and the children. God's best creation. Because without children, parents may not grow. They may retain in the self they were when they got married. Children help them be better parents, in fact children help parents be better husband and wives. The whole process of child bearing, child birth and child rearing (probably not the right phrase) are important phases a human has to go through. It's a tedious phase but with the right spouse and good support, it's bearable. Sure makes life worth living. And maybe, just maybe, that's why parents are strict in who their children choose to marry. They know, that it is important to have the right person to be the backbone (though you already have one) during times like these.

They say that every girl has imagined about her wedding and about the man she's going to marry. I remember vaguely imagining about those things (except Vin Diesel), but what I can remember clearly is that I have thought about what kind of a mother I would be. I think about it often. And I know that no matter how much you mentally prepare yourself for the whole thing, nothing compares to getting hand on the job. So, it will all come down to the day when I actually become a mother, to know how I'd perform. And maybe that's why I can't wait to meet Mr. X because only then the whole puzzle can be completed. The man who'd be father to my children. Whoa, that's a big big role. Well, as he says, Flow.

We'll see where it takes me. Twins perhaps? Probably even triplets? Hahaha!

=D

He Makes Sense, Doesn't He? :)

2011-06-25T23:00:00.001+08:00

“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect – you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break – her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.”

—	Bob Marley

He's quite a good looking guy. =D

Simple Rules In Life.

2011-06-19T20:32:00.000+08:00

RULE 1: Happiness is a choice. Choose to be happy.

For some, happiness might come from chocolates, vacations, money and maybe even success. Truth is, that is not happiness. That's satisfaction. Happiness comes from within, not from people or things. It comes from you and it is a choice that you can make. Either you want to be happy or sad or pathetic or whatever not. I've tried this. Every time I feel upset, I just sit and smile to myself for a while. Yea, without any reasons. Make sure nobody sees you, or else it'll be a teeny bit of problem. Oh, you know what I mean. Hehe. There again, no one can make you feel sad or angry if you do not allow them to. That may not make sense, but it does make sense. Same thing goes for happiness. If you can't feel happy from the inside, no point people shower you with happiness from the outside. It'll wear off.

RULE 2: Emotions can be silly at times. Choose to express.

Emotions oh emotions! Interesting topic isn't it? And we should all agree that emotions can be at it's silliest at times. We have all had our moments right? Haha! Ridiculous or not ridiculous, I think it should be expressed. When it's suppressed, you are bound to feel embarrassed or not good about it. Somehow, when you do express it, whether it is silly or good, you end up feeling good. Less heavy. Regardless of how it may make you look, if you express them to the right person, trust me, you'll be laughing to yourself. Emotions, if expressed to the right person at the right time will make you feel good. Regardless of what the nature of the emotion is.

RULE 3: People may be irritating on the outside. Choose to know them.

Don't judge a book by it's cover. <-------- THAT quote has been preached about soooo much that people forget to practice it. I have lost count on how many people that I literally hated to see for first few times. I did not even wanted to get to know them. But somehow I did and those are the closest people in my life right now. From school friends, to crushes, to enemies. Everybody have a shield which they choose to put on when they are meeting a new person. The 'taking off' of the shield depends on how well you have got to know them and how deep you have gone. Sometime, for some people it is difficult for them to show their true self in the beginning itself. That maybe because they have been hurt before or they are just plain cautious people. Don't blame them. Choose to know them well, before judging them because underneath every stranger, there's a nice person waiting to be unraveled. Well, if even after knowing the person, he/she is such a stuck up biatch, give him/her a punch on the nose and move on! =D

RULE 4: Memories may make you smile or otherwise. Choose to cherish them anyway.

The differences between memories and promises is that promises make you and memories break you. Well that is applicable only if it's a sad memory. Good or bad, memories make you into the person you are now. So, they are meant to be cherished. People or events that have happened in your life, there are relevant reasons as to why it happened. If a memory is treated the right way, you will be able to smile about the worst memory. Death of a loved one, if seen as only a death, is not a memory you'd like to smile about. But if it was seen as a memoir of that person's life, how that person had lived and his/her moments with you, I think that would bound to make you smile.

RULE 5: Dreams are for a reason. Choose to fulfill them.

You know when your mind conceives an idea, it is well capable of accomplishing that idea into a product of its own. The only reason that stops the whole process is the lack of effort from us. Ideas and dreams are possibly attainable if there is sufficient amount of effort and confidence poured into it. I know a person, whom until the end of his life, never gave up on something that he has always wanted. In the end, even though he never had enough time to know that he got it, he actually did get what he has always aimed for. He believed in the craziest things and that his craziest dreams will happen and though he was gone before he knew he had attained what he wanted, as I said, everybody who knew him was proud of his achievements. Dreams don't just occur for a short time. If you choose to invest your time and effort in it, it'll surely pay off. Never underestimate the power of a dream.

RULE 6: Life's awesome. Choose to laugh.

Isn't it the best way to conclude things? I mean come on, despite all the shit and crap we all complain about everyday, this is the ultimate truth. Us, being able to breath and live, is probably the best thing that can ever happen. Life is a gift and not a burden, not something that we just have to bare with and live through. We should no just live through, but we must live to the fullest. Do everything that you have ever wanted to do, love people, only because they deserve to be loved. Choose to laugh and make others laugh. Nothing satisfies you more than to know that the smile on the other person's lips are caused by you. Life awesome! =D

Perception, Expectation and Other Devils.

2011-06-08T21:04:00.000+08:00

One of my favorite quote.

Expectation leads to disappointment.

HELL YEA IT DOES! Sheesh..

It's like you start hoping for something to happen and all the 'clues' supports the subject and your hopes raise higher and higher and that's when expectations comes in. And you think about it (since they say positive thinking attracts good things) and ponder upon it and be so freaking positive about it only to come to a point when it is shoved in your face that no matter how positive you have been, it just did not pay off. Then what? Disappointment? Anger? Resentment?

There again, as a friend of mine once said, expectation without analysis is stupid. It's like hoping for the rainbow to fall on your laps. That's true too. BUT, there are cases where analysis are perfect, expectations that are made after it, suits the result of analysis and then you start hoping even higher. YET, it doesn't happen. What will be the explanation to that? And please don't give me the fate crap. Fate is fate and yes it does help. But if a banana is left on your palms by 'fate' and you don't take the effort to peel in and eat it, you can't blame anyone for your hunger. Fate has a way to bring things to you, but after that, it is you who decides, whether or not.

Debates can go on and on when it comes to topics like this. And sometimes, it gets so intense that somehow we forget what on earth we were fighting for. Stupid? Yes, very stupid in fact. Sometimes, when people can't get a relevant answer to a question, immediately it is put in a way that leads to the work of nature, fate, karma and everything else. Yea, those things does make sense but most of the time, there are explanations that usually are blinded by things like karma and fate. When it comes to relationships, when two people are together for a long long time, it is not fate, it is hard work that they have put in to ensure that it works. That same relationship, without hard work, even fate can't help sustain. If one partner dies, yea that is fate. That's something that is far from our reach.

I believe that we meet new people and everyone that we know now for a reason. That's fate. What you want to make out of that people are our own effort. Efforts which will usually be obstructed by perceptions, expectations and the other devils. It's a waste when someone says, "No, I don't want to ask her out. It may ruin the whole friendship." True. It may. IT MAY. And then they say it is fated that they remain friends. There are so many things possible when chances are taken and rules are overseen for a moment. People live so much according to books and the norm that taking chances is one of the quite forbidden thing to do. Somehow, everything that is going to waste is not realized. It's a pity.

Seriously, it is.

The Truths Are....

2011-06-06T21:46:00.000+08:00

1. The man you marry is usually the man you get. Don't bother planning on changing him after marriage.

2. Men have the same level of emotions like women do, it's just that they aren't as expressive as we are.

3. Not all men cheat, treat you badly, make you feel like trash all the time. There are good ones out there.

4. Just because he is a simple, humble, less of the 'cool' guy, doesn't mean he's boring. He just has a finer taste.

5. Not all women are out there hunting for men based on the size of their bank accounts, social status and the car he's driving.

6. You need more than love, presents, expensive dinners, roses and vacations to sustain a relationship.

7. Physical appearance does play a role, no matter how much a person denies. (I think it's all the Disney love stories)

8. Making a person you like jealous will not bring him/her nearer to you. Only further from you.

9. Distance and age is just a wall some cowards put up. It may not be easy hurdling through a relationship that has a big age gap or long distance, just that some make it a reason rather than to try and give it a shot.

10. Smoking or drinking does not make him a bad guy. And just because he doesn't drink and smoke, he can't be considered an angel.

Giggles

2011-06-02T15:35:00.000+08:00

Ironically, just like what I said in the previous post, I am sitting alone here in the same cafe for lunch. Only difference is that there are more people around here. The songs are also less pathetic. It's more to live during these hours. Not to mention, very interesting people are always around. And many interesting people on Facebook also. Well, haha, ONE interesting person. Anyway, the song that's currently playing is a very emotional song. Now I also emotional already. *SIGH*

This Song

Unfortunately I am stuck int his place until 5pm. Got to wait for my other half to arrive. My sister. Alright. My other other half. Hehe. Okaay, without any further delay (as if I haven't delayed enough), let me proceed with the weekend's plans. *EXCITED* Well, its nothing to be excited about. But you know me, I just like making things exciting, so that I will get excited and keep up the cheerful mood. Ok, I am crapping already. Let's just go to the plans already.

Jessica's 21st birthday. We'll be celebrating with kids! =D Nothing's better than that right? With the clan, the college clan. The last we went on a group thingy like this was during the trip back to my hometown, which was like last year. And we did have a lot of fun, unfortunately, things could not be retained and somehow we drifted apart. So, hopefully this would be a little bonding for us. That is all we need, a little bonding. As usual, they are all guys, Jessica and I are the only girls in the group, plus they have their own girlfriends and work and everything else. We can't actually hope to keep things together like how it was right? But it definitely is worth a try. They are worth it. =)

And the second plan. Hmmm. An intriguing one. =)

A friend of mine is getting engaged and I have decided to not care about the fishes in the ocean I am going swimming with the sharks. Interesting right?

*wink wink*

Towards The Weekend. (Hurry Up Already!)

2011-06-02T09:23:00.000+08:00

Here I am in the restaurant after my delicious breakfast. Malaysian food is sooo good that you'll always want to go for a second serving after the first. Unfortunately, right now, I don't feel like doing that because errm, if I do, most likely I would fall asleep in class. Plus, the saree I am planning to wear this weekend would not look THAT appealing. Uh, appealing in a sense that err, it would not look that nice.

The atmosphere is chilled and I can hear the blower behind me. Darn that thing. Literally freezing my back. People are chattering and whispering and laughing and coughing and smoking. All that seems very vague to me. I can't pay much attention to all that. Before I decided to start typing, I was staring out the window, looking at people walking by, going to work, jogging or simply taking a stroll. I think after looking at about 28 men who walked pass and thinking whether or not one of them could be my Mr. Right, I decided to turn to writing. If I were to continue, oh we don't want to know what might happen.

My friends may just walk in and give me a lecture on what has to be done in order for me to get a guy. Or one of my colleague might sit beside me and go on and on about that guy he introduced to me, that guy I am not interested at all with. Well, let's just let that go. Coming back to the weekend plans.

Looking forward to it. I know that's a little short for explaination but I am kind of late for class. Probably lunch time when I am sitting alone again I'll start typing and tell you stuff.

I Want To Know What YOU Think. Tell me..! :)

2011-06-01T20:35:00.000+08:00

Okay, I know I should really stop writing about Vin Diesel. Seriously, as much as it's starting to bore you, it's starting to bore me too. Maybe I should start writing about Gerry? Because among the four of them, he's the abandoned one. Err, naah, I think I will pass. Writing about men I can't get will not help with the optimistic thinking thingy.

So here's the thing, I want to do a survey and find out how many of you will actually be interested in reading a story, as in a long story, updated day to day. Like a novel but probably a post every one or two days? Because there's no point if I am going to squeeze my brains and write them if no one would want to read it. I'm just taking safety measures. Hehe.

So, TELL ME TELL ME..!

=D

Guess Who??! =P

2011-06-01T02:55:00.000+08:00

Honestly, I am not paying attention to anything that he's saying. I know he's speaking in English. I also know that he's talking about Fast Five, but it's all all that doesn't matter? =P I mean, who wants to care about all that he's saying when looking at him itself requires tonnes of energy and space in the brain? He's voice. *faints* He does look old in this video, but come on, the older a man is, the more you got to appreciate him. =D You may not agree, but HAHA! I think it is the truth! Because men are like wine. The older they get, the more valuable they are.

Plus, there is something about the slight grey hair that they get, you know when they are in their early or mid 30's. Obviously Diesel doesn't have that, because ermm, he has no hair. But that does not reduce his awesomeness level. Coming back to men with grey hair. When some of my friends complain about them having grey hair and wanting to get rid of it, I feel like yelling at them, requesting them to retain the hair, the grey hair. But instead, they go and color the hair black. *Sigh* If only they knew, the value of a grey hair.

It sure does make a man look manlier, better, macho-er, and definitely more matured. Unfortunately, it's a piece of art, rare sense of sensibility that many over-look. Or maybe it's just me. Either way, men with grey hair do look more marketable then the stylo ones trying to be cool. Major fail. The suave ones with humbleness and mildness always wins attention. There again, I can't be talking for myself. Well, ladies, if you do like men of my taste, then welcome to the club. If you don't err, haha, I can't do much.

Please don't get me wrong. Doesn't mean I am after old men. Elder men yea, not old men. Learn the distinct differences first before concluding anything.

CONCLUSION: Men with grey hair, ROCKS! Men with simple style and humble attitude, ROCKS EVEN MORE! Vin Diesel? Well, that dude purely owns my heart.

=)

11.57pm 31/5/2011

2011-05-31T23:57:00.002+08:00

Less than 2minutes to leap to the month of June.

In a blink of an eye. It's. Already. 6 months. Through. 2011.

Let this post conclude this month.

It's dedicated to all family and friends. Those who walked in and out of my life. Some of you who aren't here physically. Strangers who have made me laugh by any chance. Everyone who reads this site. Regardless of whether or not I know you or I don't. My ex, who's allegedly following my blog. I don't know why you want to, because as I remember the last thing you told me was that you don't want to have anything to do with me. Nevertheless, you are a good man and you taught me a lot.

I'm smiling.

So many things have changed. Me, people around me, my HAIR! So waiting for it to grow. =.=*

They are right. The only thing that is constant is change itself.

Live Like A Saint? No Thank You.

2011-05-31T22:59:00.001+08:00

No matter how much we try to make others smile, be selfless, be nice and be there when needed, there'll come a day when people WILL turn their backs against you. Famous quote,

"People will not remember the 10000 good things you did, but they sure will remember that one thing you screwed up"

True enough. Somehow, someday, sometime. They'll end up turning their backs against you, and give you a kick right on the stomach (you know that's what donkeys do right?) And the funny thing is, you'll be wondering where you went wrong, in what way have you hurt them, and whether or not you have to apologize. The worst thing is actually when you apologize for something that you didn't do but you apologize for not living your life just like how they want to be live. When people say you have changed, it's most of the time because you have simply stopped living the way the want you to.

You become a bad person the moment you stop saying things they want you to say, doing things they ask you to do, being with the people they want you to be with, dressing up like them, and God knows what else. No matter how much people preach, about the right way of living and the right way of doing things, come on, buff up and admit it, you once did screw up. Maybe more than once. Humans remain human, as much as we want to change our attitude, our way of thinking and acting, because deep down, it's a trait that has been passed on to us for centuries now. No matter how much they speak about controlling anger, speaking good things and bla bla bla, try going through one situation. A situation which awakens all your senses.

That's when we are truly put to test. Until then, it's all the bla bla bla that everyone can do.

Okay, before I get people hunting me with shot guns, let me just make one thing really clear here. Most likely this post isn't about you. It's a very general thing and please do not get over sensitive about it. And even if you do, then I can't help it because I write what I feel like writing and as they say, siapa makan cili dia rasa pedas. :)

There again, we are all humans and we all do mess up.What irritates me is that very few admit their mistakes but most of them don't hesitate pointing fingers.

Do you?

Miss Being A Mrs-To-Be

2011-05-24T22:18:00.000+08:00

As much as I preach about relationships and courtships, I am very single at the moment. Been single for quite a while now. And the more I write about these stuffs, the more I miss being someone else's. Well, not literally, but when you put it in a romantic term. Yea. *Clears throat* Sound ridiculous, I have no idea WTH I am writing this down anyway. But there again, it's a special feeling that you get out of a relationship that none of the fantasy, flirt nor fling can give you.

Especially when the special someone simply walks beside you, smiling, proudly 'showing off' to everyone else that you are his? And when you can lean on his shoulder without being worried of what others might think and how your friends might perceive you? Being able to look forward to a future together, embracing time, day by day with each other? Getting to know his family, his life and being part of it. Not being possessive, don't get me wrong. Just being part of that someone special. :)

While walking in a busy street, when that someone actually holds you close, makes sure you are safe and no Tom, Dick and Harry on the street can purposely walk a little too close with you, that's when you feel totally at place and secured. I know not all girls like to be treated like some energy-less, weak individual but sometimes, the comfort you can get out of it, priceless. But bare in mind, all these oh so good feelings can only be attained when it's with the right person. And only when you can survive without all the physical stuffs, you take a leap to the next level of the relationship.

You know, the level where you don't need to look good to impress the other person, send texts and call each other 24/7, hold hands and be all so mushy mushy. Again, it's what you feel and not what others can see.

*pauses and rereads the whole passage*

Here I go day dreaming again. =.=* Looks like it's going to take while until I actually feel that way again. Until then, Vin Diesel baby, here I come.

DAMN! (enough said)

You Love Me? I Love Me!

2011-05-24T17:28:00.000+08:00

I read in one of the normal kind of book I usually read and I came across this sentence.

Those who are really in love will talk about everything except for love itself.

Very true. Hahaha! I see people everyday, who supposedly are in love and can't stop talking about it and on the other hand, I also see people who are truly in love and they are more like best friends. They do everything together. From hanging out with their bunch of friends, to going vacation with them. They blend so well into the group till you will never know that they are an item. But then, the members of the group will know that they are the best, most closest, in love couple. How do they know all that when neither of the couple showers the other with flatteries, romantic gestures and etc?

Funny and weird. But true.

When you SEE people in love, it may change in a split second. Have you imagine the relationship without all the romantic gestures? It'll be like an empty shell. Crack open and shatter anytime. It's different when you FEEL people in love. You cannot see it all the time, but you know it is there. Minus all the romantic gestures, expensive presents and good looks, the feeling is still there. And that's something that'll last. All that lovey-dovey, tamil movie, english movie scenes are all unnecessary. How nice?

You can be completely comfortable with a person and still be very much in love with them.

:)

If you are experiencing something like that now, CONGRATULATIONS. And DON'T FREAKING BLOW IT UP!

I Wish... Hey, You Should Wish Too!

2011-05-24T10:09:00.004+08:00

Someone who means quite a lot, told me that instead of hoping and expecting something to happen, it is a lot better to just think about it, take a deep breath, close your eyes, and say "I wish..." Subsequently there'll be a smile being carved up your lips. Then, just let it go. Let the whole issue go. Don't expect anything in return, don't strut and fret about it. Just let it go.

Yea, it may be a little too taxing to just let it go. Hahaha! Especially when it's something you really want. Then, when you think about it, there is some truth hidden. Therefore, today I woke up with a number of things in my mind. And I am going to wish. Not expect, not hope. But simply wish.

*closes eyes and sticks both palms together*

I WISH.....

*peeks*

Hey, don't keep reading! Come on, close your eyes and wish for yourself too! My wish is not going to anything for you. Close your eyes and make your own wishes. You may never know what can happen! :)

I WISH.....

To keep making people feel better and smile often.
To be a good daughter, sister, granddaughter, friend and companion.
To be at the pink of health.
That people that I love and care about are at the pink of their healths too.
To keep up the good grades.
To be with you. :)

*Opens eyes and smiles*

He was right after all.